I ran across a David Letterman-ish list of the Top Ten remarks you should never make to the justice who is presiding at your divorce hearing:

10. “So she gets the gold and I get the shaft?”
9. “I don’t really think you would have ruled that way if I'd been a guy [gal].”
8. “I’m really not comfortable raising my right hand and repeating after anyone.”
7. “I’m not hiding my income, so help me God.”
6. “Why are you picking on me?”
5. “No court is going to tell me what to do.”
4. “You’ll have to wait a minute — my cell-phone’s ringing.”
3. “I don’t have time for this.”
2. “You’re the one who should have a psych eval.”
1. “With all due respect, Your Honor, have you ever been through a divorce?"

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