As Morrissey of the Smiths sang, "Please, please, please, let me get what I want...this time."

Though the lyrics to the song of the same title are a bit dramatic, they're fitting, given the current state of my life.

It has been a rather long time since I have had anything that even moderately resembled smooth sailing. I am trying my damndest to not let everything get to me, but there's only so many times that a person can get kicked in the teeth before they stop smiling.

Anyone who has had an unyielding string of bad luck knows exactly what I mean. Even the brightest glimmer of hope and happiness seem to be overshadowed by impossibility and hardship these days. I don't mean to be a Negative Nancy — especially since this goes against every fiber of my being. But I am tired. Fucking tired.

All I want to know is, When does the time come to harvest the fruits of my labor and relish in its bounty? There is a point in time when this is possible, right? If there isn't, then what's it all about?

I need a vacation, but can't afford one. I need a break from reality, but those don't exist. I need a dose of happiness that lasts for more than a few hours and isn't overshadowed by the impending doom that seems to be riding shotgun to that very happiness.

I need a serious reprieve from all that is my life right now.