Fast forward a few months. Ex had found a lovely new substitute for me, a recent divorcee who graciously took on my former roles as hostess, gardener, and short order cook for the kids. Okay, I'm lying. There was nothing lovely about this woman.

She was a sociopath and gold digger and I hated every minute that my girls were exposed to her, but let's not quibble over semantics. With Ex occupied, I thought I might be free to try dating again without former spousal interference.

R was a natural choice. He was sexy, single, and we'd been friends for years. It seemed inevitable that we would eventually connect. And we were very discreet. Ex and I had vowed to keep our children out of our personal lives and I figured at least I should try to live up to my end of the bargain.

But it seems we weren't discreet enough. R called one morning to tell me he just received a disturbing phone call. "I've put two and two together," Ex had blustered. "You are dating my wife! Don't try and hide it — I've had my suspicions validated by someone close to the situation." (Yes, he really talks like that. Reason 895 why I had to leave him.)

R was understandably confused. He responded: "I asked you months ago if it would be okay for me to ask Nancy out and you said yes."

"Well, going out on a date and dating are two different things," Ex countered primly.

My wife? Asking permission? Didn't the separation agreement and subsequent divorce decree allow for eventual dating? Since when do exes morph into father substitutes? And did Ex really think that one date with me would be such a snore that a second was out of the question?

Good questions all, but I was much more interested in the person "close to the situation" who ratted me out. I had only discussed my tentative foray into dating with my closest, dearest friends. I blasted out a group email: "Can you believe the #@%^&*^ gall? Here Ex is practically living with someone and he is still interfering in my private life!"

Three minutes later, my phone rang. "Guilty," my old college roommate, a friend of 25 years, confessed. "He called me up, asked me outright if you two were dating and I said of course. Didn't you tell me that R asked permission?"

Again with the permission thing.

Earth to Ex: The only permission I need to move on in my life would come from me. And it's been granted.