In California, pets are protected from outright abuse during divorce and marital problems. But there is increasing evidence that divorce itself, even without abuse, is stressful for pets, especially cats and dogs. (No one has yet proven that hamsters, parakeets, rabbits, turtles, and fish are particularly affected by family tensions, but perhaps some day a study will show that.)

It’s easy to understand why divorce upsets pets as well as children. There is tension in the home. There are arguments and slammed doors (which can sound like a gunshot). People disappear. There may be a move to a new home. And all of the usual routines are interrupted.

Dogs and cats know their routines: a time to wake up, a time to eat, to play, to go outside, to go to bed. Anyone who has forgotten to feed a cat will know just how insistent that cat will be that, Hello! It. Is. Time. To. Eat!

Dogs may be more flexible, at least some dogs, unless it’s time to go for a walk.

But there are dogs who are particularly nervous. And the older the dog, the less likely that he or she will adjust.

Sometimes, couples can actually put the pet’s needs before their own. Raoul Felder has noted that one couple getting a divorce agreed to stay in their apartment to continue to care for their sick dog. “Here,” Felder told PetPlace, “instead of making the dog a trophy in the divorce case, they stayed together until the dog passed away.”

According to David “David the Dogman” Klein, dogs are particularly social animals, long domesticated, able to read emotions, expressions, and to react badly to shouting and arguments.

If a dog has suddenly begun hiding under the bed, barking, biting, destroying furniture, going to the bathroom in the house, those are all signs that he or she is being traumatized. It can be because of a natural disaster, or a death in the family. But it can also be because of tension in the marriage.

Last year in Kansas City, Missouri, one lawyer was made guardian ad litem (the legal guardian) of a dog in a fraught custody case. And there are reports of dogs being held in protective custody at a kennel until a bitter divorce is settled.

So what should a couple do when it comes time to split up?

Klein, a pet behaviorist who works in Marbella, Spain, where they know from divorce, says it’s best to keep the pet with the children. That is for both of their sakes. Children are comforted by pets, and pets need the extra attention they get from the children... attention they may be missing from the husband or wife in the middle of a divorce.

It’s always best, he says, for the animals to stay in the family house. If that is not possible — if the house must be sold, even in this bad market — just remember to keep the pet’s feelings in mind. Have a friend (or the ex!) take care of the animal while you empty out the house. When you make the move, don’t take the dog or cat the first day. Get the furniture in place and boxes unpacked. Especially if you have children, get them settled first, and wait until they calm down a bit before introducing the pet.

Let the animal get to know the place at his or her own speed. If it’s a dog, and he or she has been in the car for a while, let the dog sniff around outside first, and go to the bathroom. Then, when the dog is feeling calm and confident, it’s time to introduce the new home: take the pet directly to familiar furniture, the kids, a place to eat, sleep, play, the litter box.

But what if there are two pets, a pair of dogs, two cats who sleep together, a cat and a dog who seem to be best friends?

Is it better to split them up, or should they be kept together? The PetPlace web site just released a survey asking whether two dogs who are best friends should be separated by a divorce:

• 32 percent said the dogs should be kept together, and go with the woman,
• 8 percent said the dogs should be kept together, and go with the man.
• 60 percent said the dogs will be ok if they are split up.

Humans can, of course, project human emotions onto animals. Just because dogs play together, or cats sleep together, just because a cat and a dog lick each other, doesn’t mean they will necessarily mourn, feel lonely, go into a decline, because they miss the other animal. Ultimately, pets are flexible and will adapt, even if it takes some time.

What’s important is the pet’s relationship to the husband or wife. If they each keep one of the pets, that means that both have provided a good home for animals. Courts increasingly set up visitation rights for pets.

And it may mean a built-in babysitter. If either ex-spouse has to go out of town, it is possible the other one could take care of the animal.

That will give the pets a chance to see each other, and both of you a chance to see the “other” pet.

That, of course, would be possible only in a very good divorce. But often couples who disagree about everything else can put their pain aside to discuss Rex’s urinary problems, or Ruxpin’s ear infection.

So what about joint custody?

A lawyer in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Sandra Morgan Little, told PetPlace about two exes who shared custody of... wait for it... a dog’s ashes. Each would have the urn for a set period, until one of them accused the other of filling the urn with ashes from the fireplace.

That would, apparently, be a very bad divorce. The best thing about it is that the dog was already dead.

Our social networking site has a discussion board where you can share your stories about pets and divorce. Does anyone have a bizarre or heartbreaking story to tell us?