I am soo sorry to hear this poor gal articulate her pain...many of us have have felt it, have survived it and moved on....but we all know it takes time and friends and it's truly a privatel struggle. No one can see you bleeding from inside so they won't offer help. You need to get it for yourself. First it will be very slow....then things will pick up....time will pass....some days will be worse than others....then one day soon you will discover a new best friend-YOU! Force yourself to be with upbeat peple and now is the time to try new things and make new memories where the other person is not in the snapshot in your mind.

I know sometimes words do not seem enough but believe me there is power in the words we say or write. From one who has been through it fives times. Do not put a time frame on when you should start feeling better it will slowly happen and one day you will breath again, until then surround yourself with positive people places and things and let me know how you are doing....Jeanne

Katherine, try to surround yourself with strong women. My yayas were my sounding board, my shoulders to cry on, my strength through it all. When I needed to vent, I sent out a group yaya message and I always got responses that helped me through. I could call any of them any time of the day or night.

Time does heal, but some days are awfully long. ( I was married for 21 yrs.) I can say that now, 2 years since he dropped the bomb, and one year since my divorce, I'm finally getting good. Not great yet, but definitely a work in progress. You can do it, one day, and sometimes one minute at a time. And we're all here behind you.

Katherine,
My heart goes out to you. After 32 years of marriage my husband walked out of our home and into the harms of a 24 year old. That was 15 months ago. I got divorced in May. I met my x-husband when I was 17, he was four years older, we married when I was 19. He walked out when I was 50, he was seeking happiness and youth. I was the wife who woke up everyday grateful for my husband and family. I have always worked a full time job, kept a beautiful home, hosted many holidays and parties, supported him through business losses, new boats, motorcylces, expensive vacations and the death of his parents. I have always kept myself in top condition and have been mistaken for being 10 years younger. I was never a bitch but out of frustration I would yell when I could not take one more second. The first thing I did when he left was call a woman therapist and in the beginning I went to see her 2 times a week when my pain was unbearable. My pain was so deep that the best way I describe it is; I had died and my family forgot to bury me. I went to work but could not focus, I went out in public but hid behind sunglasses. I remember breaking down in sobs in my local grocery store. Every woman had on a wedding ring and every shopping cart screamed family and marriage, while I deposited meger items of yougart and fruit in my cart just to have something in my refrigerator. I loved grocery shopping in the past, I hated it that day. Going through the first of everything is the most difficult and most painful in my opinion. Holidays, anniversary, birthdays, and Sundays are no bargin either. Keeping busy, listening to upbeat music, tackling issues that scared me, exercising and spending time with family and friends have been the things that have helped me through the pain. For me feeling the pain was the best way. I did not take drugs, or drink my pain away, I felt it and I let it bring me to my knees. I cried till there were no tears left, or so I thought. I often thought of the many beautiful, lovely woman who where going through the same thing I was. Christy Brinkley's marriage fell apart at about the same time as mine, it gave me solace knowing I was not alone. The first few months was continually daily pain, than came weekly pain followed by monthly pangs. After 15 months I will hear a song and instead of it bringing me to my knees, my heart will hurt for several moments and than I continue on. Write your feeling out and please know you are NOT ALONE. There are millions of us wonderful, caring, beautiful woman who have or are now feeling your pain. There will be times when you go out and have a great time and times when you want to be home. But keep going out, keep smiling and love yourself for all your wonderful qualities and something I heard on Oprah stays engraved in my thoughts...don't seek the booby prize, (meaning him) go for the gold!

KP

It's amazing how many of us there are - I don't know if that's comforting or the reverse! My husband left after 32 years, a few months after the youngest child left for college. Some days I'm not sure which hurts more, the lost marriage or the empty nest - we had six kids and the house was so full; now it's just me and the two dogs.
It's nearly ten months since he left, and I still have to fight my mind not to keep thinking about him, holding one-sided conversations with him in my head. I had trusted him absolutely. Mid-life crisis? First he announced he wanted a sex-change operation! He refused to understand why I felt that would destroy the marriage. Then I found out he had a girlfriend on the side - who didn't object to the operation, of course - and a few months after he left, he announced his engagement to her! He plans to become a "woman", and have a lesbian relationship.
I tell myself, "When another woman steals your husband, the best revenge is to let her keep him." And it's true.
But oh, how it hurts. And my sons - all our kids are boys - are devastated by it all. He won't let them call him Dad anymore - he changed his name and demands that everybody, even his mother, address him by his feminine new name. He has reneged on every promise, and just shrugs it off, saying they weren't real promises anyway. The kids had admired him so much, hero-worshiped him because of his integrity. Now he has none, and they're heartbroken, they have no hero anymore.
Everyone thought we had such a good marriage. We'd walk around our small town holding hands, and people would come up to us and say how good we made them feel, so long married and still in love. And I wonder if he ever really was in love with me.
So I garden and journal, go to divorce support group, get together with friends when they have time. I got more hours at work (I need the money). Joined the Praise Band at church. Pray a lot. It all helps, but I think "not hurting" is at least a year off for me. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.