We've always talked, me and Mike, about the things that scare us about this. Sometimes, though, it crosses the line from comforting to pessimistic. 

We don't ever really argue, but we have had some draining "conversations." It occurred to us, a bit ago, that these "discussions" are all over hypotheticals.

Now, why is that? Everything, as it is now, is close to perfect. We are exactly what the other wants, as and where we are.

The problem is, we're worried it won't stay like that. What if I never stop being scared? What if we find out, once we're in the same city, that our schedules and our lives aren't compatible? What if someone eventually wants to move in and someone else doesn't? Better to call it all off now, it will never work, we're all going to die.

I look back over the things I've written during a Typical Alice Relationship Breakdown, and they've all been over What Ifs.

It's one thing to be aware of potential issues and deal with them, but it's another to spend this much time worrying that one day it will all fall apart. After all, who's to say that we won't keep on adjusting successfully as we go?

I suspect I didn't enjoy the marvelousness of this past year as much as I could, and that's just ridiculous. This is the most wonderful person in the world, for me, and I should be leaping about in happiness all the time, not fretting over potential future issues.

So that's what I'm working on: taking it as it is now. Dealing with things when and if they come up.

It's hard, after going through a divorce, not to believe that everything will come to an untimely end. But somewhere, I'm sure, there's a balance, before reason becomes sabotage.