I'm having a small identity crises. Not identity, exactly; it's more like a crises of purpose.

When I started blogging at First Wives World, I'd been separated from Sam for 14 months and we'd just started dating again (read: having sex together, because we rarely had an actual night out by ourselves without the little creatures we procreated climbing all over us, ahem, me — but I digress.)

I began blogging with a couple specific goals. I wanted to either be divorced or back together within one year.

I wanted a space figure to out my relationship in a way that would keep my procrastination-loving butt moving forward — whichever direction that is. And I hoped doing it here for the gods, and all the divorcing world, and everyone to see would let someone else out there a feel less homeless in it.

Also, I was self-conscious about the molasses pace of my process. Having people along for the ride kept me honest. Kept me thinking, I can't keep going round over the same things, complaining the same complaints without changing something.

I'd already spent four years deliberating. Four years. It was time to decide.

So, goal one. Check. Week after week I came to this place to be real with myself. I scrutinized Sam and I scrutinized me and I studied the ways I was with him and the ways I was on my own. Eight months after starting this blog, I moved back in with him.

Goal two. Check? I hope so. With every post I hoped someone out there sat through my indecision saying, "Yeah, me too."

But now, now goal one is met and I need a new purpose. And I'm wondering, if anyone out there still relates.

A few days after I left Sam, a friend turned me on to a blog called Separation Anxieties. Said the writer was a friend of hers and I should read because this woman had once been left her husband for about two years, had gone with no intention of reconciling, but had been back with him almost six years.

Early on I found solace reading about her single-parenting struggles and, more recently, I found a map. Someone who's walked this path I'm on and was writing about it with the gift of hindsight while continually navigating the same issues that had already killed her marriage.

I never felt alone in divorce, I had friends who'd been there. I knew that too many thousands of people out there had been there, too. Out in the land of reconciliation, I know a couple people who've done it. But I feel alone — like I'm the only one — in this experience in a way I never did on the path to divorce.

If you're out there reading and you can relate, raise your hand.