I went to family court a few days ago and filed a petition for child support. I think they recognize me now, and it's almost embarrassing at this point.  I keep thinking that they're thinking, 'Okay, is she really going to do it this time?'

I have an overwhelming urge to explain to them why it is that I keep backing out.  But I don't. I'm sure they don't care, and I'm sure they see this all the time.

The papers are easy. It's two pages of fill in the blanks: my name, his name, our addresses and Social Security numbers, Adrian's name and birthday, and that's it.

The last page is labeled "Court Information," and it asks pretty much the same questions as the prior two pages, except that it also asks, height, weight, eye and hair color.  I must admit that writing "bald" for Levi's hair color gave me a little laugh.

I just can't believe it's come down to this. I really can't. I mean, I know this sounds nuts, what with all of the other crap that he's pulled, but I somehow still can't get it into my head that Levi is this much of an asshole.

I still can't believe that he doesn't care. But his actions have proven it. This behavior that he's been exhibiting over the last two years is not the Levi that I know, or rather, knew.

This is not somebody I would have ever associated with. I still can't believe that this is the new Levi. I sometimes wonder what exactly is going on in that head of his.

In any case, the papers are filed. I'm more nervous now than I was when I was filing them. I'm sure that he'll receive them in the mail within the next few days, and then, once again, all hell will break loose. I'm going to try my best to be prepared and not to let it affect me this time.