firstwivesworld - One is the Loneliest Number - Comments

Oooo! I'm liking that one, too!

Wanda Woodard — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:27:12 -0400

Good suggestion, KarenC. I can make that one work for certain. Thank you.

Not long ago, I read about a

KarenC — Fri, 02 May 2008 23:13:13 -0400

Not long ago, I read about a mom who had been called to school a few times due to her son's misbehavior. Nothing to serious, but still... She warned her son that if she had to come to school once more, he was going to be embarrassed. Of course, there was a next time. She came to school in sweats and curlers and finally made her point.

You got that right!

Wanda Woodard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:44:20 -0400

Thank you, and she's back to being the sweet young lady I used to know...for now. LOL!

If it is any comfort all

Cathy Meyer — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:12:57 -0400

If it is any comfort all I've ever seen from her is the sweet and caring side. Wouldn't it be great if our children were as well behaved at home as they are away from home?

Pajamas it is!

Wanda Woodard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:27:00 -0400

Thanks CM -- that sounds like a good route to go next time (if there is a next time and I pray there isn't). I love what your friend did -- that is what I am going to do if this happens again. Thank you so much for sharing. It helped.

That's her LAST 2.5 years. typo on my part

Wanda Woodard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:26:01 -0400

I apologize for the typo.

No, I do agree

Wanda Woodard — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:25:04 -0400

You're probably right on the money. Yes, she is simply too old to spank. I think I have that one, now. LOL! Actually, in the 2.5 years of her life, she's only had one or two before the other day. I think those spanking days are gone. Thank you for your input. And thank you for giving me hope. Yes, I would say it is hormonal, and as I am through with menopause, I guess I tend to forget those weird feelings that just grab on to us and make us crazy for a day or two. I believe she will grow out of this and I pray she will be a sweet, caring person. She has that capability now, but just those few times -- she makes me crazy. Thank you for your kindness and candor. It helped me. And that's what it is all about at FWW isn't it. Our helping each other

Puberty

Guest — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:54:49 -0400

Wanda, I enjoy your posts and so I'm commenting as one who has genuinely appreciated your insight. as I struggle through my divorce. The school was way out of line. I know you are a wonderful mother and doing the best you can. I'm just offering some counter-points for discussion. My thought is, your daughter may be too old to spank. First ,it sounds like she may be struggling with puberty. Perhaps I'm feeling sympathetic because I was feeling hormonal in the extreme today, all weepy and melodramatic (my period starts tomorrow). Plus, I have two girls, ages 20 & 23, and I can remember when they were toxically hormonal in their early teens. Yet my girls, mouthy as crap at age 13, have grown into rather sweet, gentle & mature young adults. I'd like to say it was me taking a stand when they were acting out but all my ex and I did was argue back. Rather, I think they just grew out of that stage, around 15 or 16, actually (yes, it lasted several years). It sounds to me like your daughter is hormonal. Second, I just don't know if we should teach our girls once they start to mature that it's okay to be hit. I'm just commenting, food for thought. I do love your blog.

When I was growing up I had

Guest — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:15:15 -0400

When I was growing up I had a friend whose little sister was going through a terrible phase. She was disrespectful, mouthy, and downright horrible. One morning she would not get out of bed for school for the 10th time. So her mother, sick and tired of these games, dragged her out of bed( still in her pyjamas) threw her in the car and took her to school. She marched her to her class room and proceeded to sit there with her for the entire day. This went on for a few days until this child finally got the message that Mom had the authority and she had better shape up and get her attitude together. It was embarrassing, humiliating, and totally necessary. And it worked. Sometimes we have to go to extremes and stand our ground. Children are going to act out and test us and our ability to keep our cool and show them who is the boss. YOU are the boss and don't let her manipulate you. I know you love your children, and it must be incredibly difficult to feel as if you are alone in this. I think you are a great Mom and the fact that you are angry and responded the way you did is a good thing- no reaction would be a sign of bigger problems. Good luck. CM

One is the Loneliest Number

Wanda Woodard — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 07:00:52 -0400

Parenting is tough, but parenting alone is nearly impossible. Unfortunately, we can't give up. I mean I guess we could, and obviously some parents do. But the bottom line is that, once divorced, we have to keep on parenting. And it is definitely a job better shared by two.

My daughter flipped out on me. She is almost 13, and she has simply gone over the deep end. What went wrong? Don't know. Hell, she's just a kid. But she has gotten an idea in her head that she's in charge of her life and that I do not have any right to tell her what to do.

How does this happen?

You give and you give and you give of your time, your love, your compassion, your understanding. You try to give them most of what they need and some of what they want. But somehow they still feel deprived. Somehow they are completely convinced that you have ruined their happiness.

Ah, there's the rub.

And how do you change this?

She threw her brother's $400 Wii on the ground (twice) to prove to him what it feels like to lose something you love. In her case, it was DirecTV. But she'd been behaving so badly that I had to take away something for punishment. The following morning she was acting like someone who was demonically possessed and was refusing to go to school. She was practically foaming at the mouth. No, I'm serious.

I can't exactly manhandle her; she's my child. But I did threaten to spank her (something that almost never happens), and eventually I did. I got "the belt" and I popped her a few times. She was still uncooperative, so I called the school and she ended up talking to the counselor. The counselor told her she didn't have to go to school, but would need to return tomorrow.

So the school counselor helped her get what she wanted. And worse, when she went to school the following day, they asked her about her spanking and whether or not she had any marks. Good God!