Just how do women get through infidelity in marriage? Does infidelity always lead to divorce?

These are questions the media and armchair pundits are pondering in the aftermath of the Spitzer sex scandal. Psychologists and academics say the obligation to remain sexually faithful to one's spouse continues to carry a lot of weight, at least in the U.S. In France and Italy, it's something else altogether. But in the U.S., among all the marital problems one can have, infidelity is the one most likely to lead to divorce.

Sociologists' research on infidelity shows that men are routinely motivated by sex, while women stray outside the bounds of marriage in search of emotional intimacy, the kind they're not receiving from their spouse. Yes, more men than women cheat, but the numbers are increasing for both genders.

In fact, a 1994 study by sociologist Edward Lauman found that 10 percent to 11 percent of spouses had cheated in the previous year; over a lifetime, the study revealed about 18 percent of women and 24 percent of men reported an extramarital affair. More recently, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that nearly 90 percent of participants said it's morally wrong for married individuals to have an affair, which may or may not involve sex. Nearly the same percentage said adultery is morally wrong.

Notably, experts say that wives are more likely to forgive a cheating spouse and remain in the marriage particularly if the infidelity was committed with a prostitute or a one-night stand, versus a mistress or someone with whom a longer-term emotional bond was formed. However men are much less forgiving of their cheating wives; most don't tolerate their wives' indiscretions and view infidelity as a statement about their manhood.

The hand-wringing over Silda Wall Spitzer's future with her now defamed husband, the governor of New York, has officially begun. Newspapers, talk radio, TV pundits, therapists and armchair shrinks — yeah, that's you and me and all of us — all chipping in with our two cents.

Silda, Silda, Silda... Whatever was she thinking standing by her cheatin' hubby, the gov of New York? Well, she and the gov are married for 20 years. They have three kids together. She shelved her prestigious and lucrative legal career to raise the kids and to be a dutiful political wife. She's also a passionate philanthropist and organizer, having founded a children's advocacy program (Children for Children), among other activities.

This is a dynamic woman. She is no fool. Will her children, three beautiful girls, ever be able to trust the men in their lives? What message does it send to them if she stays?

All bets are off on Silda's marriage. Yep. In what's likely to become the Super Bowl of divorces, I anticipate a separation and divorce proceedings to begin within six to eight months, or at least before the end of 2008.

Forget about those Santa Ana winds. Oscar's embers blew directly into Ann Blanchard's house Tuesday night as Hollywood honchos, TV execs, first and second wives, along with various and sundry well-wishers gathered for a reading of Mimi Schmir's fictional and hilarious "Hot Flashes" blog...

The confab, masterminded by the former William Morris überagent who's now with Mosaic Media, drew Hollywood's finest TV and film actresses who read selections from the blog which chronicles the rollercoaster antics of Schmir's heroine, Esme, a late 40s-ish divorced mother of two. While I wasn't in Ann's parlor experiencing the "Hot Flashes," faux and for-real, firstwivesworld.com's intrepid correspondent reports the evening was a scorcher. Yes, HOT or you know, HOT!

Actresses Amy Brenneman ("Private Practice" and "Judging Amy"); Dana Delany ("Desperate Housewives"); Kathyrn Morris ("Cold Case"); and Natasha Henstridge ("Commander-in-Chief") each morphed into Esme as they read portions of the edgy blog that began on firstwivesworld.com. And they say there aren't any good parts for women?? Huh?!

Schmir, a writer for TV hits "Grey's Anatomy" and "Shark," was feted for her fiesty and comedic portrayal of the daily exploits of a pre-menopausal late 40s mom who's trying to move on with her life after a divorce in which her husband leaves her for a younger model (surprise, surprise). "Hot Flashes" just may be the next "Starter Wife" but there's a difference: "Hot Flashes" started on firstwivesworld.com, yes, the Web baby, and is destined for episodic television.

If you're involved in a contested divorce, or are about to be, you need to be aware of using electronic devices to uncover illicit affairs or hidden assets.

It goes without saying that there is a treasure trove of information in your spouse's computer, Blackberry, cell phone and other electronic gadgets. It may seem like snooping, but during the discovery phase of a divorce, you can legitimately request copies of your spouse's e-mails. They may reveal adulterous relationships or hidden property. And that information can go a long way toward aiding your cause in contested issues such as custody, income and expenses.

GPS devices may reveal the whereabouts of a cheating spouse on days when you have doubts about unreasonable explanations. Another tool, now available with a court order, are E-ZPass toll records, which can similarly be used to establish rendezvous with a lover.

But this data mining isn't without its share of pitfalls. Electronic sleuthing can be illegal if you improperly access private electronic sources. If you break into a device, or if you lack permission to access it, the court may prohibit you from using the information in your case. Self-help steps must be employed legally. If you are an authorized user of your spouse's computer or cell phone, the information would be legally discovered.

You can open up a mine field of damaging evidence so long as no crime is committed in securing the facts. Internet browser histories, cell phone records and e-mails are increasingly being introduced into disputed divorce actions. Don't illegally take a Blackberry or laptop to a forensic expert to retrieve deleted information. Don't steal passwords. Attorneys and courts won't be party to illegal acts or invasions of privacy. But aside from those warnings, happy data mining.

Oprah spoke with M. Gary Neuman, author and founder of the Sandcastles Program, a program for kids ages six to 17 designed to help them cope with their parents' separation or divorce.

On the show, Oprah and Neuman spoke with kids about the pain of their parents' divorces. In one case, a mother left her two kids in the care of their father, but the pain of her abandonment and rejection remained fresh as both the boy and girl wept openly over the loss.

Kids tend to feel responsible for the rejection of the parent who abandoned them, Neuman said. He told the two siblings on the show that they didn't make their mom go away and they can't make her return.

Neuman told the audience that if kids don't let their emotions out at the time of the split, they will become damaged adults. Frequently boys grow up to experience rage, girls experience chronic depression. "Kids heal through love and connection," Neuman said. "They blame themselves after divorce and secretly think they can fix the divorce."

Neuman said parents should hold their tongues and never criticize one another in front of the kids. Parents should speak to their kids frankly when they have decided to divorce and allow them to ask questions. Spend time listening and talking and afterward, have everyone hold hands and hug.

For more information on Neuman's Sandcastles program, click here.

And that's more often the case these days. U.S. census data revealed earlier this week that more than half the Americans who might have made it to their 25th wedding anniversaries since 2000 got divorced, separated or widowed before reaching that benchmark. The data reveals that for the first time since World War II, couples who got hitched in the late 1970s had a less-than-even chance of remaining married 25 years later.

You've heard of the seven-year itch, the restlessness that occurs in a marriage after seven years —allegedly — and if not, the brilliant movie starring Marilyn Monroe. These days, some experts think the seven-year itch is happening even earlier, say around three years. People start getting bored, they're looking for an adrenaline boost — a little romance and excitement — the kind you can get from a new partner.

First Wives World's Debbie Nigro commented on the new census data and trends in a piece today on the "CBS Early Show." Debbie noted that one of the problems is that for some people, "commitment" doesn't mean "commitment" any longer, or doesn't mean "commitment" to a single person for life. "It's ‘commitment' until I say it isn't." Marriage, Debbie told the "Early Show," is a "work in progress." To be sure, it is a relationship that requires understanding, empathy and a commitment to working on it throughout your life.

The results of First Wives World's latest poll are in and they're, uh, rather surprising. We asked you how much sex you're having each month and found that 55 percent of the 10,000 divorcées surveyed answered "none."

Another 22 percent of those surveyed said they were "lucky to get it" one to three times a month, 13 percent of the divorced women polled said they had sex three to six times a month. And 11 percent claimed they had "more than I'll ever admit to."

Well, you told us! Now your task for today, along with juggling job, kids, home, social activities and extended family is to go out and cultivate your inner sex goddess. Maybe it's dressing a bit more provocatively (okay, don't go overboard if you're in a conservative office!), saying hello to the guy at the coffee stand or just projecting a beautiful smile. But whatever it is, do it with positive energy and you'll be reeling in men before too long. At least that's what they say!

Click here for more about the poll in today's New York Post.

Did you know that couples typically wait six years too long to start marriage counseling? Often, by then, too much resentment has built up and it can be too late to repair the relationship.

I read an interesting piece on the Huffington Post by relationship expert Dr. Joshua Coleman who set out the Top Five red flags that you're headed for a divorce. Take a look and see if you agree:

1. You Often Fantasize About Divorce

Fantasizing about divorce offers a feeling of freedom. "During a crisis or during a particularly bad time in a marriage, reminding yourself that you can always leave can be a reassuring thought. However, chronic fantasizing about divorce may indicate that you're stuck in a dynamic from which you don't know how to escape and need more help to solve."

2. The Frequency of Your Negative Experiences Far Outweighs the Number of Your Positive Experiences with Each Other

"Marital researcher John Gottman found that in successful marriages, there are five positive exchanges for every negative. If the negative consistently outweigh the positive, then your marriage may be in trouble."

3. You Never Confide in Each Other

"Confiding in your spouse and having your spouse confide in you is an important way to relieve stress, strengthen your bond, and maintain a healthy 'us against the world' mentality. A lack of confiding may indicate that there's an insufficient amount of trust in the marriage."

4. One or Both of You Engages in Ongoing Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness or Stonewalling

"Research shows that couples who frequently use these defenses are more at risk for divorce than couples who rarely use them. While conflict is unavoidable, couples need to learn healthy ways ot expressing their complaints."

5. You Engage in the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

The piece suggests immediately calling credit reporting agencies like Equifax if your ex used your name and Social Security number to obtain credit without your knowledge. Close unauthorized accounts and all joint credit card and other acounts, file a fraud report with the police and alert all credit reporting agencies to place a fraud alert on your account.

If your ex is using credit cards you previously owned as a couple, then you are still liable for any charges that surface. Ouch! In states with community property laws, all accounts opened during a marriage are considered joint, regardless of whose name is on them. But you can still file a report disputing the charges with the credit reporting agencies. Have any of you been through this ordeal?

Keep in mind that divorcing couples who negotiate divorce decrees that include that one ex-spouse will pay off the credit card debt aren't excused from the other ex's financial responsibility. Ouch! Creditors can still demand payment from the "clean" spouse which can negatively impact their credit score.

Click here for more.

The findings of a new 10-year study reveal that women who force themselves to remain calm during fights with their spouses are at a higher risk of death and have a higher incidence of stress-related diseases like depression and irritable bowel syndrome.

In fact, women who "self-silence" were four times more likely to die than women who let it all out during arguments, according to the research conducted by Dr. Elaine D. Eaker of Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises in Gaithersburg, Md.

In my opinion, this research seems to prove what many women already know: You just gotta let it out! Why keep it all in? Express yourself to your spouse, partner, ex, kids, etc.

Eaker study examined behavior, incidence of heart disease and mortality within marriage. She wanted to understand the dynamics of what really goes on in a marriage during arguments. Her research also confirmed that marriage is good for men's health and that married men enjoy better health compared to unmarried men. We wonder if that's the case even when the men are terribly unhappy and stressed in their relationships.

Eaker's research, published in the July/August issue of Psychosomatic Medicine, suggests that men and women need to take a closer look at the changing roles and expectations for husbands and wives and in general, men and women in society. Too, she notes that marriage partners need to offer one another a safe place to express feelings of conflict before it's too late and the marriage ends in divorce.