The hand-wringing over Silda Wall Spitzer's future with her now defamed husband, the governor of New York, has officially begun. Newspapers, talk radio, TV pundits, therapists and armchair shrinks — yeah, that's you and me and all of us — all chipping in with our two cents.

Silda, Silda, Silda... Whatever was she thinking standing by her cheatin' hubby, the gov of New York? Well, she and the gov are married for 20 years. They have three kids together. She shelved her prestigious and lucrative legal career to raise the kids and to be a dutiful political wife. She's also a passionate philanthropist and organizer, having founded a children's advocacy program (Children for Children), among other activities.

This is a dynamic woman. She is no fool. Will her children, three beautiful girls, ever be able to trust the men in their lives? What message does it send to them if she stays?

All bets are off on Silda's marriage. Yep. In what's likely to become the Super Bowl of divorces, I anticipate a separation and divorce proceedings to begin within six to eight months, or at least before the end of 2008.

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If you're involved in a contested divorce, or are about to be, you need to be aware of using electronic devices to uncover illicit affairs or hidden assets.

It goes without saying that there is a treasure trove of information in your spouse's computer, Blackberry, cell phone and other electronic gadgets. It may seem like snooping, but during the discovery phase of a divorce, you can legitimately request copies of your spouse's e-mails. They may reveal adulterous relationships or hidden property. And that information can go a long way toward aiding your cause in contested issues such as custody, income and expenses.

GPS devices may reveal the whereabouts of a cheating spouse on days when you have doubts about unreasonable explanations. Another tool, now available with a court order, are E-ZPass toll records, which can similarly be used to establish rendezvous with a lover.

But this data mining isn't without its share of pitfalls. Electronic sleuthing can be illegal if you improperly access private electronic sources. If you break into a device, or if you lack permission to access it, the court may prohibit you from using the information in your case. Self-help steps must be employed legally. If you are an authorized user of your spouse's computer or cell phone, the information would be legally discovered.

You can open up a mine field of damaging evidence so long as no crime is committed in securing the facts. Internet browser histories, cell phone records and e-mails are increasingly being introduced into disputed divorce actions. Don't illegally take a Blackberry or laptop to a forensic expert to retrieve deleted information. Don't steal passwords. Attorneys and courts won't be party to illegal acts or invasions of privacy. But aside from those warnings, happy data mining.

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Love and marriage, love and marriage. They say it goes together like a horse and carriage until — uh — it doesn't.

And that's more often the case these days. U.S. census data revealed earlier this week that more than half the Americans who might have made it to their 25th wedding anniversaries since 2000 got divorced, separated or widowed before reaching that benchmark. The data reveals that for the first time since World War II, couples who got hitched in the late 1970s had a less-than-even chance of remaining married 25 years later.

You've heard of the seven-year itch, the restlessness that occurs in a marriage after seven years —allegedly — and if not, the brilliant movie starring Marilyn Monroe. These days, some experts think the seven-year itch is happening even earlier, say around three years. People start getting bored, they're looking for an adrenaline boost — a little romance and excitement — the kind you can get from a new partner.

First Wives World's Debbie Nigro commented on the new census data and trends in a piece today on the "CBS Early Show." Debbie noted that one of the problems is that for some people, "commitment" doesn't mean "commitment" any longer, or doesn't mean "commitment" to a single person for life. "It's ‘commitment' until I say it isn't." Marriage, Debbie told the "Early Show," is a "work in progress." To be sure, it is a relationship that requires understanding, empathy and a commitment to working on it throughout your life.

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Great piece by Kimberly Palmer in the "Alpha Consumer" column in U.S. News and World Report about how exes can clear up their credit if their partner stole their identity or otherwise ruined their credit. Too many women are in this situation. Is that you?

The piece suggests immediately calling credit reporting agencies like Equifax if your ex used your name and Social Security number to obtain credit without your knowledge. Close unauthorized accounts and all joint credit card and other acounts, file a fraud report with the police and alert all credit reporting agencies to place a fraud alert on your account.

If your ex is using credit cards you previously owned as a couple, then you are still liable for any charges that surface. Ouch! In states with community property laws, all accounts opened during a marriage are considered joint, regardless of whose name is on them. But you can still file a report disputing the charges with the credit reporting agencies. Have any of you been through this ordeal?

Keep in mind that divorcing couples who negotiate divorce decrees that include that one ex-spouse will pay off the credit card debt aren't excused from the other ex's financial responsibility. Ouch! Creditors can still demand payment from the "clean" spouse which can negatively impact their credit score.

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You've probably heard of him or seen him appear on cable news shows talking about the latest celebrity divorce and high-profile settlements. The guy sure gets around. Raoul Felder, that is. He's a divorce czar and a bull-dog you'd want on your side. A big-shot divorce attorney who's represented everyone from Rudy Giuliani to Robin Givens (boxer Mike Tyson’s ex-wife) and Ms. Carol Channing.

Felder chats it up with Time Out New York about a new book he wrote, gay marriage, chairing the New York State Commission on Judicial Conduct and weddings. Asked whether New Yorkers fight more over real estate or kids, he states: "There’s more real estate to fight over." Go figure.

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Okay, so you're in the middle of a divorce and your ex has somehow managed to ruin your credit even though you were the one who handled most, if not all, of the finances. What do you do? Well, First Wives World has tackled this subject recently. As a matter of fact, we're going to keep educating you about it because it's soooo important.

Divorce can bring on financial ruin, as many people know. If you have merged assets and joint ownership of property (like most married couples do) this is a major issue! I was reading a story that brings up a good point: When you divorce, your marriage ends but not your shared financial responsibilities. If your spouse racked up debt without your knowledge during the marriage, you may be held responsible for it after the divorce. It sucks, but it's true.

So financial experts agree that you must take action to cut all financial ties with your ex. Here's what you can do for starters:

1. Make sure you know where all accounts are including bank accounts, mortgage loans, credit cards and utilities. Even if you and your spouse have decided who gets what property, you need to make sure that the right person is solely responsible for their respective belongings.

2. Remove your spouse's name from all accounts or cancel them completely. You should both handle the canceling together. Start with the bank accounts. If you're taking possession of a car with both of your names on the note, have your spouse's name removed. Make sure that your spouse does the same thing with any property they take.

And, if you're still paying for any of this property, then you may have to refinance to get the loan down to one name. Any bills you paid together, such as your utilities, should be put in one name. For credit cards, work with the companies to have them transfer half of the balance to two different accounts.
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Divorce can be a long process. It's also a major "financial event." And according to the folks at The Motley Fool, it can be costly...oh my, yes. Depending on who you are and what your net worth is, etc., etc.

The Fool suggests you seek out an attorney's advice early even if you're only thinking about a divorce and even if you expect it to be a mostly amicable affair.

Do keep records. Yes, that means all of your credit card statements, if no other reason than to prove you pay your bills on time. You're going to need that proof come settlement time.

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First Wives World has a terrific column featured on About.com's Guide to Divorce Support. The Guide's coordinator, Cathy Meyer, graciously asked our own Debbie Nigro to write a guest column for a series she's running this week on "Moving On."

Well, guess what? No one has more experience with movin' on and movin' up than Debbie, who has successfully reinvented her personal and professional life, post-divorce, with incredible energy and verve. She's resilient, and so are you!

In fact, that's the message of her piece on About called "A Formula For Getting Back to Great." It's all about women being in control of their destiny and plodding ahead, putting one foot in front of the other to embrace the present and, of course, the future.

Cathy and her team of experts are providing valuable information and resources that can help get you through. In fact, About has everything from chat rooms where you can swap ideas and information, to advice columns on dating, legal and financial issues and tips on how to deal with your kids in a divorce. They've got everything!

So check it out...but stay tuned to FirstWivesWorld.com because we're on the cusp of some exciting plans that will help you navigate divorce no matter what stage you're in--in fact, we're going to get you through each phase not only with useful resources and support from other women, but you'll be there with a smile on your face because we've got some fun, new shows that will entertain and tickle you as you discover that your best self lies ahead...

Yes, stay tuned. We can't wait...! And, check out Debbie's column here.

Used to be marriage started to get stale after seven years—you know, the proverbial "seven-year" itch. Now, apparently, we’re down to three years and some might argue, it’s really less than that when you factor in how sped up and disposable our culture has become. We actually throw people away. We throw relationships away.

Yes, marriage has become a highly fungible, disposable relationship. Okay, not to be all gloom and doom, but researchers now say that bloom is off the rose within just three years.

Researchers analyzed responses from two sets of married or cohabitating couples: One group was together for one to three years, the other for four to six years. Researchers found that for the most part, the couples involved for a shorter period of time were happier.

"The initial boost that marriage seems to provide fades over time,” said Professor Kelly Musick, a University of Southern California sociologist. And something we always sensed but couldn't confirm: “Some folks start getting less happy at the wedding reception," said Larry Bumpass, a professor at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, who co-wrote the study with Musick.

Research also showed that the median duration of first marriages that end in divorce remains a little more than seven years. That means those couples will likely spend more than half their married lives less happy than they were when they first walked down the aisle.

Musick noted that with nonmarital childbearing more common and women more economically independent, love and commitment for one another is what's keeping couples together and "that's fragile."

Terribly fragile, I might add. One most also have respect. A lot of respect for one's partner. Without it, you can forget about everything else.

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The pro wrestling world remains in shock and mourning over the strange case of WWE star Chris Benoit who is believed to have strangled his wife Nancy and smothered his son before hanging himself in his weight room. Authorities found the family dead in their multimillion dollar Atlanta home on Monday.

Was it a steroid-induced rage that triggered this horrific crime? That’s what authorities, friends, family members and investigators are trying to figure out. The bizarre situation appeared to unfold over the weekend at the Benoit home.

Meanwhile, Nancy Benoit started divorce proceedings in May of 2003 claiming domestic abuse, according to The Atlanta-Journal Constitution. In fact, in her divorce petition, Nancy alleged that Chris caused, “extensive damage to the home and personal belongings of the parties, including furniture and furnishings." At the time, Nancy sought custody of the couple's child and filed a request for a restraining order.

However, she failed to have the divorce and protective petitions dropped in August of 2003.

This is such a bizarre case and so unfortunate. Whether drug-induced or not, violence against women isn't acceptable. Nancy, it seems, was living with a ticking time bomb.

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