This one is a pop fly: during the Little League season, one mother is worried that her ex-husband makes their son nervous during the games. Under Little League rules this is the last year their son, who is turning 13, can compete. Mom thinks that Dad puts too much pressure on him.

She asks: “If my son is with me that weekend, and he is playing baseball, does my ex have a right to be there, even though it isn’t his weekend?"

Terry Ross, a partner at Silberberg & Ross, LLP in California, says, “Yes, by all means.

The father is allowed to attend a child's events. It shows that he is trying to share in the responsibility of raising the child.”

Ms. Ross added, "Normally the only time a parent is not allowed to attend such events is if there is a restraining order against them." but that is in extreme cases.

David Young, a former Circuit Judge in Miami-Dade County, concurred: “Unless there is a ‘stay away order,’ parents are encouraged to attend their children's events, as it shows interest in the child's upbringing.’’ A stay-away order, it needn’t be said, does not involve a father making a child nervous and putting pressure on him. It’s for serious threats or dangers to the child.

Believe us, it’s not unusual for a father to make a son nervous. And, possibly, you may be the one making your son nervous; has he overheard you saying things about not wanting his father to be there?

Remember also that your son is no doubt putting plenty of pressure on himself; he wants to please you both.

But, if your ex show ups and makes a scene, running out on the field, screaming at the referees, and misbehaving in general — more than the other dads — that’s another matter.

If he does, he should be strongly discouraged from attending. Nervous is one thing, embarrassed is another.

If this is Tuesday it must be the Cote d'Azure. How should an ex-wife feel when a husband is taking two young children on a grand tour of Europe? A reader asks "Do I have a right to ask for an itinerary, and phone numbers for hotels, when he's dragging them across Europe? The kids are 9 and 10, two boys, and I can't imagine they are going to be very happy."

It's up to the ex-husband to deal with two unhappy boys. As for the rest of the question, about your right to an itinerary:

"Absolutely!" said Susan Reach Winters, an attorney at Budd Larner, P.C., in New Jersey. "You have every right to know where your children are, especially for emergency situations." Moreover, if you feel your ex is taking the children on something dangerous, or something you do not approve of, you may "need to go to court," she said.

"Day trips? Not so much. But longer trips, yes," said Jacalyn Barnett, whose law offices are in New York.

"When a parent asks for an itinerary for an extended trip the child is taking with the other parent, it shows the child that the parent loves them enough to want to know their whereabouts," says David Young, a former Circuit Court judge in Miami-Dade County.

It is best, the lawyers say, if guidelines for situations like these are laid down in the divorce and custody agreement. Every divorce is different, but itís important to focus on the needs of the child and not fall victim to revenge.

If you keep your children from speaking to their father, you are making them casualties in your battle with your ex. There are instances where a parent will call too much, and that is also interfering with the other parentís right to have private time with the child.

Either way, the child is hurt.

Operate a family under written rules? Not possible in your chaotic life? Too much like running a strict boarding school?

In his seminal book “Family Rules,” Dr. Ken Kaye explains why written rules solve most children’s issues, prevent squabbles, shape behavior, and keep parenting even handed. Not only that, but children can learn from watching those rules applied to their siblings.

Dr. Kaye’s book stresses that written rules can be just as useful, maybe even more so, after a divorce. Here are excerpts from “Family Rules” (2005):

The events that create a single-parent family are power forces in shaping a child’s development. A parent’s death, desertion, or divorce leaves emotional wounds in the child just as it does in the remaining parent.

Discipline may be necessary, but it will not be sufficient to heal the wounds. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge, “My child is in pain and needs professional help.”...

When the bitterness between you and the ex-spouse has slacked off a bit, it feels good to exchange a remark or even just a knowing smile with the one other person in the world to whom your children are as special, their development as marvelous, their needs as urgent as they are to you.

But there are dangers on that road. All forces converge to pull the two of you into over-involvement with one another.

The reality is that your family has broken up. You are divorced or you are getting divorced, and if the children are living with you then you have to make the decisions

Keep the co-parenting consultations to the minimum necessary to sustain Dad’s cooperation. But the children’s father should not be the main person you rely on as your sounding board or counselor in setting rules.

Since you cannot afford to be undermined, you will need to respect your children’s father’s feelings, values, and opinions.

Before the evaluator comes to visit, parents should do a safety check and make necessary adjustments. The home does not have to be spotless, but sheets should be on the beds. Odors from cigarettes, trash, pets, and diapers should be minimized.

• A wide variety of fresh and healthy food should be in the refrigerator and cupboards. Everyone who lives in the home should be present for the interview.

•Anyone who is a frequent visitor to the home may be there at the beginning but should also be prepared to leave approximately ten minutes after the evaluator's arrival.

•The television should be turned off as soon as the evaluator arrives.

•The evaluator should not be offered anything but a glass of water.

•Let the evaluator choose where to sit and where to talk to household members individually and as a group.

• Inform the evaluator in advance if a household member needs to be seen first because of a work or school commitment.

When the evaluator asks for references or a witness list, the parent should be prepared with names, addresses, telephone and fax numbers, as well as the best time and way to reach them. (The parent should also speak with the references in advance.)

Put the reference into the time line of your story to give the evaluator some perspective on when and how long the reference has known the family.

Choose references, including family members, who can corroborate the parenting-plan history as well as a parent's good character.

Be wary of references who fail to back up your claims, who barely know you, or who hasn’t observed you being a parent.

The evaluator's confidential report must be filed with the court and served on the parties or their attorneys at least ten days before the custody hearing.

It will be used as evidence at the hearing but is technically not binding on the court.

Feel like you're losing your grip on those financial purse strings? (Especially if you've just heard that credit card companies are charging an extra ten cents a gallon at the pump!) Even cereal is higher at the grocery store, as is milk. Everything for the kids is going up, up, up!

But listen. There are still ways you can go out with friends, shop for groceries, make more money, save money as a family project, and plug your financial leaks.

First, let's deal with eating out.

You need adult time, if for no other reason than to have another grown up to bounce kid questions off of.

And if you're hoping to meet a guy, youíre not going to find him in your closet.

Going out doesn't have to take your budget into the red zone.

Here are five ways to eat out without breaking into the kids' piggy bank.

Share an entrée or make a meal out of appetizers

American food portions are so super-sized that the average entrée could feed at least two, sometimes even three people! But if you're going to split an entrée, find out first if the restaurant charges a fee for that. Appetisers, or small plates (tapas), are usually rich in better restaurants, or gigantic in lower priced restaurants, and thus more filling. An appetizer can make a fine meal, and cost half as much as an entrée.

Be sure to ask how much the specials cost

This a major pet peeve. How many times have you been in a restaurant when the waitperson describes a succulent-sounding, special dish-of-the-day? You go for it, and then sit dumbfounded when you see the bill and find out the price. It's a sign of financial self-confidence to nicely ask "and what do those specials run?" so you can make an informed decision.

Soup, it does a body good

Custody mediation can be a dress rehearsal for a court-ordered child-custody evaluation, because if the case is not settled in mediation, an evaluation could be next. Mediation can help parents dig themselves out of entrenched positions, get them to evaluate their goals, and help them develop a child-centered parenting plan that will promote the best interests of their children.

The mediator's job is to reduce acrimony and get the parties to agree to a custody and visitation arrangement. If that process comes to a halt, they can at least prepare the parents for what an evaluator will want to know.

An evaluator in the State of California, where we work, will want to hear about the parental history: when the parents met, when the parents' relationship became serious, when the parents began living together, when the parents got married, when the parents first separated, the total number of separations, the date of the last separation, and whether and when couples or family counseling was ever done.

The evaluator will also ask about grandparents, the parents’ siblings, extended family. And about any other minor children in the households. The mediator will definitely ask about the parents’ drug and alcohol history, and if there is any history of domestic abuse.

And then the evaluator will ask how the parents shared custody during the separation. And what current parenting plan they are using.

Here are the red flags that an evaluator will be looking for:

Recently a member on our site asked, "If I take the kids on vacation is my ex allowed to contact them via email, phone or text?" The only time she got peace, she said, was when they were on a boat and out of cell phone range.

Every state has different laws, but they all look out for the best interest of the child.

Lynne Strober, an attorney at Mandelbaum, Salsburg, Gold, Lazris & Discenza in New Jersey, says, "Your ex has every right to speak with his children daily and have what is called reasonable contact."

But Ms. Strober has seen a parent abuse this rule.

"There was a case where the mother was much closer to the child than the father and she would constantly call the child, poisoning the child's mind against the father, and would blatantly try to interfere with the father's allotted time."

Jacalyn Barnett Esq., who practices in New York, remembers a case where the father tried to speak with his child on a daily basis, but the mother would stand in the way. She would give flimsy excuses: the child was "in the tub," or just "not available." That was also determined to prevent the father from having reasonable contact.

Situations like this can usually be resolved through an agreement between the parents that the children are allowed, say, 30 minutes a day to speak with the other parent.

In most situations, Barnett and Strober say that such an issue can be sewn up by the parents through open communication, or in worse cases with the help of lawyers or an arbitrator. It is rarely an issue that makes it all the way to the courtroom.

You want the house. You know you want the house – unless it brings back too many bad memories. The question then is: Can you afford to keep it?

Well, can you not? I’m a financial advisor in Los Angeles, and I hear this question all the time. Should we sell the house and split the money? How can I possibly make the right decision?

Chin up, sister. My mentor Deborah, 71, was divorced 18 years ago and turned a $3 million dollar real estate portfolio into a $15 million dollar one.

You can too.

Let’s take a hypothetical: a couple has been married for 18 years. When they split up, they both thought they got the better deal.

The wife, who made less than half the salary of the husband, kept the $600,000 house, which had a remaining mortgage of $200,000. With taxes and insurance, her monthly payments would come to approximately $1,500, assuming a 30 year mortgage at 6.5%.

The husband, meanwhile, took something of equal value: an IRA worth $650,000.

To make their shares even, he threw in a $50,000 membership to the local country club, which she could sell if she wanted.

They split what remained in their savings account.

So who got the better deal? He got the equivalent of cash, and she was saddled with a mortgage, right?

And the membership to the country club required paying dues.

But she’s the winner.

The country club membership allowed her children to swim and learn tennis for almost nothing.

His IRA was effectively worth 25 percent to 40 percent less than its face value because all IRA distributions are taxed as ordinary income upon withdrawal.

Sure, the wife would be taxed if she sold the house, but the fed allows a $250,000 tax break on selling a primary residence if she lives in for two of the last five years.

Entering the dating scene after just a few years off the market — let alone decades — can be an intimidating experience. Everyone else seems to have learned to send pictures on their cell phones, to write a quirky ad on Match.com and figure out how to upload flattering photos of themselves.

Nothing makes a woman feel out of the loop like technological advances.

A course might help, but you can probably figure all those things out if you spend some time actually playing with your cell phone and on the Internet.

Things become urgent when you decide that you are ready to date again. One-third of the 85 million baby boomers in North America are single, so it’s just a matter of meeting one.

What you may really need help on are the ins and outs of online dating, to which baby boomers are increasingly turning.

Sign Me Up

While connecting online has become the norm, finding a likeminded friend or date can become frustrating—if you’re fishing in the wrong pond.

Take the time to visit sites before signing up.

If sites feel too juvenile, consider “mature” dating sites, such as Lavalife Prime, which is geared toward men and women who are 40-plus.

Alternatively, narrow the field by joining niche dating sites.

Places like SingleBookLovers.com, for bibliophiles, or ASoundMatch.com, for music enthusiasts, or even singlemummy.com, for single parents, connect individuals through specific tastes or lifestyles.

All About Me

Now, the most difficult, most painstaking process: writing your profile.

Rather than agonizing over personal statements or — worse — selling yourself short, ask a friend to write it. He or she won’t shy away from playing up the positives.