Even after all these years, it surprises me how powerless one can feel as a stepparent and how important it is to manage expectations. This crystallizes often over the holidays when I ask my stepchildren to help me with the holiday card and have to negotiate their schedules as though I'm a United Nations diplomat.

Unlike my 10-year-old son, with whom I can say, "Please be at this place at this time" — and when he doesn't, I can yell, "Get your butt down here now" — every request to my step daughters must be managed carefully.

At the same time, if you ask step kids how they feel after their parents’ divorce, they will say they feel powerless, with no say in anything, that they have to juggle between two families while negotiating roles, rules, and status in both households.

Recently I emailed my stepdaughter telling her that step parenting is a lot like gardening a bed of roses. Instead of getting to dig deep and attach myself to the root stock, I am allowed only to skim the surface and never feel as though I've penetrated top soil. If I grab the flower the wrong way, it can be prickly. But it is still beautiful and worth nurturing.

She emailed me this response: "Just like the rose, stepchildren cannot help but have thorns, because it is in their nature to protect their roots."

I loved this exchange because it is honest — and helpful. The holidays are an emotionally charged time for any family — but even more so for stepfamilies. After years of experience, and as a certified stepfamily coach, I have learned that the secret to having a good time during the holidays is recognizing that each person should have a say in some part of the event, which makes it more a democracy than a dictatorship. The other part is following the adage that no act of love, however small, is wasted.

This Thanksgiving, how about we Americans show gratitude for the Native Americans who originally presided over our country. November is National American Indian and Alaska Native Heritage Month, so this may be the time to make a pilgrimage to art museums showcasing Indian work.

John Grimes, former director of the Institute of American Indian Arts, one of the finest institutions in the US, sought to infuse the art world with a new vocabulary “based on global experience rather than Western ideals and history.”

The Smithsonian opened a new building on the Mall in Washington in 2004 to house the National Museum of the American Indian. In its first year in that location, the museum, which has branches in Manhattan and Maryland, was visited by more than three million people. Its collection of 800,000 artworks and artifacts from the Americas is an astonishing presentation of Native cultures.

As W. Richard West Jr., director of the museum and a man of Cheyenne and Arapaho lineage, said, “We are an institution of living cultures, not a museum of dying cultures.”

Here are his choices for the five museums with the best Native collections in the U.S.

The Heard Museum
Phoenix, Arizona

This center for contemporary Native American fine art boasts more than 35,000 pieces. Exhibits at the Heard have included the Celebration of Basket Weaving and Native Food Festivals, where top chefs demonstrate contemporary and traditional recipes. The online museum store offers Indian rugs, art, pottery, etc.

National Museum of the American Indian
Washington D.C.

‘Tis the time to think about entertaining. As a divorced woman, inviting people over to your house expands your social circle — but not necessarily your waistline — and has the added bonus of being cheaper than going out. If friends invite you out to dinner, you have to reciprocate, and entertaining from your home is often 1/5 the cost of a restaurant.

Plus, you want to create happy memories in your home for your children, and just because the Ex isn’t there doesn’t mean you can’t create — and maintain — cherished traditions.

Having been an editor in chief of several magazines, I have learned quite a few tricks for entertaining on a budget. Here are some that may appeal to you.

1. Lights in winter. People may remember the ambiance more than the food. You can make Santa Fe candles (and the kids can help) to line the sidewalk: a small brown paper bag, some sand for the bottom, and a candle set inside. Roll down the top of the bag, light the candles and there you have an inexpensive and charming way of decorating outdoors. As for inside, try paper globes hung from an archway, lighted with fairy lights, or invest in some nice fat candles. Buy them in bulk online (a four-inch-tall pillar is as little as $2.99 at www.candles.com) or try Pier One or Ikea. Use the candles all over the house. Et voila! It’s romantic, cheery, and will make the house beautiful. But avoid scented candles, which could be suffocating.

2. Decorate with fruit. Fill a bowl with polished apples. I have also used one large red bowl and two smaller ones filled with green apples as a holiday centerpiece. Apples can hold place cards for a sit down dinner. And then, after the party, the apples can become apple crisps or apple pies. Oranges studded with cloves are another holiday classic.

We’re all about pilgrimages – going to places that are fun and informative. Well, for this week’s destinations, we’re taking that term literally by sharing places that have people dressed up as Pilgrims and Early Americans to explain the meaning of Thanksgiving. We also are acknowledging that American Indians may not be as thankful for this holiday and should be honored for their contributions. In compiling this list, we are most thankful to suggestions from Chris Epting, one of the nation’s most inventive pop-culture archivists and explorers.

But before we share these adventures, just a little background on Thanksgiving that could be used for the car ride. And also to explain some places on this list that don’t automatically come to mind for Thanksgiving.

Sure, we celebrate the courage and perseverance of the Pilgrims, who had their first Thanksgiving in the fall of 1621, after half of the settlers died of starvation, and their second in July of 1623, after a rain saved their crops. But other places, like Jamestown and the Berkley Plantation, in Virginia, and St. Augustine, Florida, also claim early Thanksgiving customs.

Explorers definitely gave thanks when they hit the New World after enduring weeks on leaky boats eating hard biscuits and suffering through Atlantic storms. Columbus and his men gave thanks when they landed. Pedro Menendez de Aviles had a priest give an entire mass of Thanksgiving on September 8, 1565, when he claimed St. Augustine, Florida, for Spain.

However, the reason Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock get so much credit is that it was one of the rare colonies that included women right from the first. And leave it to women to make sure things happen.

There's no sugarcoating that these economic times are tough and are creating the need to be resourceful with the money we have. That’s why we want to be your source for reSOURCEful spending.

Our FWW financial experts know how to stretch a dollar like salt water taffy and how to devise money-saving tips that won't leave a saccharine aftertaste in your wallet. The sweet life can still exist, as long as you’re smart and nimble with insurance, stocks, cars, your work, your home and your life.

Below we have gathered the best "nougats" from our experts. They provide nudges, hints, and suggestions for actions you can take to put the power back into your hands — where it belongs. And it's written in ways that anyone can understand. While it’s not a cure-all, it may be the needed spoonful of sugar in the castor oil of recession.

1. Save Money Wisely. Yes, we know it’s easier said than done. But with a little creativity, you can trim your budget with a scalpel, not a hatchet. First, try out 10 Painless Financial Slimmers to cut out your financial fat with very little pain and lots of gain. Next, spend a weekend Winterizing Your Home — we promise it works, whether you’re in Walla Walla or Williamsburg. Last but not least, Turn Off Your Financial Leaks — you know, the little things like ATM fees, insurance deductibles, and hidden airline costs. If you know the right tips, you can make like Moses and stop the flow before your pocketbook is drained.

Is hubby suddenly logging on to classmates.com and talking about the good old days when he was a high school basketball star? Perhaps he’s taking up running, or he’s running to the gym to work on his abs and pecs?

Is he donning black leather jackets instead of Brooks Brothers? Is he spending more time in the bathroom than you do, and using more products?

Hmmm. He may be going through a mid-life crisis, but more likely he's doing the hanky panky with someone else.

The American psychic Edward Cayce said that intuition is knowledge from an unknown source that is usually true. As we all know, a woman's intuition is usually spot-on — especially when it comes to whether her guy is straying. However, the desire to avoid divorce puts us in a state of denial.

But, girlfriends, better to know the truth. That way you can come from a position of power in confronting the problem and solving it. With your interests in mind, we asked Danine Manette, the author of Ultimate Betrayal: Recognizing, Uncovering and Dealing with Infidelity, what 15 signs to look for if you suspect your mate is making out with someone else.

1. Do his friends' wives give you a pitiful, sympathetic look without saying anything?

2. Does he work more overtime, but still never have any money?

3. Does your mate have some new activity that occurs on the same night every week, and to which you are not invited?

4. Does he answer you promptly when you ask where he's been or does he hesitate before replying?

5. Has he suddenly begun carrying gum or breath mints?

6. Is he experiencing a sudden unexplained interest in changing his hairstyle and general appearance?

7. Has he started leaving his cell phone in his car at night, “to charge”?

One of the remarkable aspects of our democracy is how, after a grueling presidential race, the losing candidate makes a concession speech and there is a gracious transition of power. The incoming President then acknowledges the attributes of his competitor in the Presidential race.

This tradition starts the process of healing and accepting the inevitability of the outcome. I know many of my friends would have loved to hear their ex-husbands give a concession speech after their divorces.

"My Dear Wife," it would go. “We have battled and disagreed on many subjects. Sometimes it got very personal and insensitive. Feelings were hurt. We created fear and animosity. Injustices were felt as was an economic downturn. We are no longer man and wife. But we are still parents. We must remember — as Barack Obama said in his acceptance speech, ‘We are not enemies, but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.’ ”

Indeed. We may have broken up but we are simultaneously rebuilding a new family unit. In fact — as John McCain said — “Join me in finding ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help leave our children and grandchildren stronger.”

Wouldn’t that be nice? An olive branch, a speech or a built-in-tradition where ex-husband and ex-wife vowed to make efforts to support each other in their lives ahead.

In any marriage, in any election, there is a winner and a loser. Even in an amicable divorce, someone feels more disappointment, someone is more elated.

How does one deal with disappointment?

Presidents are to history what pop stars are to music. They define their times. After this election, George W. Bush will be focusing on his legacy through his presidential library, which will be erected in Texas as a testament to his serenely bullheaded policies. Like many presidential libraries before his, it will be a monument reflecting his passions, positions and private letters and mementos. Bill Clinton's eight-year prosperity reign and his peccadilloes embodied the 1990's; both are chronicled at his library in Little Rock.

Many have visited Thomas Jefferson's fabled home, Monticello, marveling at how his spirit still inhabits its Palladian beauty. Since the current political campaign has captivated the nation and world, we asked award-winning historian and writer David Brinkley to choose his five favorite presidential sites. Through them it is possible to examine and enjoy the strength and endurance of our democracy through the men - so far - who have led this great nation.

Harry S Truman House
Independence, Missouri

Famously remembered as the president who said, "The buck stops here," the wee haberdasher lived most of his adult life in Independence. In this modest, Victorian-styled house, his hat and coat still hang on the foyer hook and the chair in his study is surrounded by well-thumbed history books and biographies. The kitchen, meanwhile, still has matches resting on the gas stove. The Truman House, down the block from the Truman Museum and Library, is like a time capsule of small-town America during the Cold War. Truman rose from humble roots and was the kind of leader, notes historian David McCullough, our forefathers envisions as presidential timber. The Harry S Truman National Historic Site, admission $4; information, 816 254-9929.

FDR: The Little White House
Warm Springs, Georgia

Girls just want to have fun. And what better way than go to a weekend festival that is either free or less money than a Cosmo or CVS lipstick. Full of interesting people and passions, these festivals can be bizarre, silly, humorous or an adventure. They are certainly more fun that watching “Seinfeld” reruns at home. Grab a girlfriend or go solo. Plus, hellooo, unless you go out, you don’t meet anyone. With your good time on our minds, we asked author Chris Epting, who has spent a lifetime documenting this information, to share the best festivals for November and early December.

1. The Riverhawk Music Festival
Brooksville, Florida
November 6-9

Featuring an eclectic blend of live music, The Riverhawk Music Festival is the perfect destination for music lovers on a budget. No hotel is required, as most folks “rough it” in tents or RV’s, where a communal atmosphere and single events ensure you’ll have someone to dance with. In between performances there’s plenty to enjoy, from food vendors and craft booths to a canine costume parade for pet owners.

2. Maine Literary Festival
Camden, Maine
November 7-9

Torn between curling up with a good book and taking in the great outdoors? Then tear up to Maine, where you can combine both at the Maine Literary Festival. This year’s theme is “For This Earth: Vision in Literature,” where attendees can “focus on the roles of writing, poetry, nature and science in shaping how we live our lives and treat this earth.” Yes, crunchy to the core. In addition to a workshop for wannabe authors, there are readings, books signings, literary discussions, and panels with noted authors, poets, and scientists.

3. The Tamale Festival
Indio, California
December 6-7

The same reason I hate the word “diet” is why I am repelled by the word “budget.” Makes me feel like I’m starving and undernourished. However, as someone who now is being forced to trim costs in this economy, I have found some painless solutions to increase your cash and save you sleepless nights.

Plus, they’re so easy that, once you accomplish them, you will feel virtuous and safe.

1. According to the Department of Labor, the average American family of four will spend $8,513 on groceries per year. But prices have soared — milk is now twice as expensive as last year — at a time when we need them to be reduced. Making bigger shopping trips less often, however, will slash what you spend and reduce waste. Most of us go to the market at least three or four times a week and according to the Marketing Science Institute, buy 54 percent more than planned. Make a list and stick to it. The average impulse buy is $10 - $40 a week. You could be saving as much as $160 a month.

2. When at the grocery store buy generic. It saves you a fortune — as much as ten cents to a $1 on each item ranging from cereals, canned tomatoes to club sodas. You can also have similar savings on items at the pharmacy ranging from aspirin to mouthwash. Another money slimmer is buying in bulk at places like Costco once a month. This is where I have loaded up on items like detergent, paper towels and dog food. But as divorced moms, if you are also doing triple duty as soccer mom, career mom and gymnastics mom, another solution is using the delivery services like Stop n’ Shop. They charge a little extra for delivery but drop off all the bulk items so you save time and costs of transportation and lugging all the groceries to your house. As long as you buy a huge amount at one time — and they do have good savings there — it is truly worth it.