Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the sixth and last article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

A fundamental adult responsibility is to teach children character. Kids with character stand out. I bet you recognize them the moment you see them.

How do they acquire that character?

No kid I know listens to what his or her parents say. I certainly didn’t!

Intelligent children watch what their parents do. Does a parent live up to his or her ideals? Do parents treat others with dignity? Do they dedicate some of their time to the less fortunate?

Do they kowtow to wealth and station or do they value people of character, rich and poor alike?

Do they drive home tipsy after a party?

Do they strive to be close to friends and to get balance in their lives?

Do they take time for pleasure? Do they read books and love to learn? Do they truly listen to what others say and modify their opinion if someone – even a child -- makes a better argument?

Every good parent sacrifices plenty. To have the energy and good humor parents need to nurture their children, they must have a life too. Yet the stress of over-scheduling insinuates itself into parents’ lives, too.

Kids whose parents were pleased with their lives are better parents. To raise happier kids, parents need to enjoy themselves more. And that means having more fun in bed!

What can you do? You might keep a few principles in mind:

• Childhood is a preparation, not a full performance. You have to resist pressuring your child to be almost professional at an early age.

The divorce is over, and you are on your own. You have a lot of big decisions to make, but the one about car insurance should be easy, with the following tips from consumer-finance expert Ethan Ewing.

In fact, it begins when you buy a car.

• Plan your purchase. You will save right out of the gate if you opt for a car without a lot of bells and whistles. Turbo features, for instance, often raise premiums because insurers think that, if you choose turbo, you are more likely to speed. And look up which cars have the highest theft rates – generally speaking, the imports like Honda Accord, Honda Civic, Toyota Camry, Nissan Sentra, the Toyota pickup, and some domestic makes like the Dodge Caravan, Ford F150 Series, Saturn SL and the Dodge Ram pickup. Out West and down South, full-size pickups are often the most vulnerable. If a car is likely to be stolen, it will often cost more to insure.

• If you live in a city, compare the cost and convenience of parking in a garage to what you will pay extra in theft insurance if you park on the street.

• Pay bills on time and pay overdue debts. Insurers take credit scores into account when determining rates. You can raise your score as much as 20 points in a month just by paying on time.

• Determine liability coverage: Basic liability covers damage to property or injury to other people as well as court costs. Each state has minimums. Liability coverage is expressed in three numbers, generally noted in thousands of dollars. The first is liability for one person hurt in an accident. The second is a maximum for all injuries in one accident: you, your children, their friends. The third covers property damage. So, 25/50/15 covers $25,000 for one person's injuries; $50,000 for all injuries; and $15,000 in property damage.

• Determine collision coverage, which insures a vehicle against damage from an accident.

To begin the divorce process as a Pro Se litigant you will file an original petition for divorce with the local court clerk. The original petition for divorce is a document requesting that the court grant a divorce.

Filling out the petition for divorce:

If you are asking for the divorce (or “filing” for it) you are known as the “petitioner,” and your husband is known as the “respondent,” or “defendant.” When you petition the court for a divorce, you state the cause of your divorce. If you are filing for specific grounds make sure you don’t go into details.

Example: If your spouse has cheated on you, you should say, “Petitioner seeks divorce on the grounds of adultery” rather than, “Petitioner seeks divorce because my husband has been sleeping with another woman for six months.”

The court isn’t interested in whether or not you hate your husband, feel he should be stricken from the face of the earth, or any other emotions you may have. Keep your feelings to yourself.

I promise you, the judge who has to read your petition will appreciate it.

Information needed in the petition will vary, but most states require:

• Identification of the spouses by name and legal address.
• Date and place of marriage.
• Identification of children from the marriage, their names and ages.
• Proof that the petitioner and her husband have lived in the state or county for a certain length of time and have the right to file for divorce.
• Grounds.
• A statement on how the petitioner would like to settle finances, property division, child custody, child support, visitation, and other issues related to divorce.

Filing the petition for divorce:

The petition for divorce, along with two copies and the filing fee (the Clerk of Court will tell you want it is), are hand delivered or sent by certified mail to the local court clerk.

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the fifth article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

What about creativity and innovation, which pundits say are crucial for America’s economic success? Einstein maintained that “imagination is more useful than knowledge.” Yet hyper-parents criticize kids when they just want to lollygag and fault themselves for not finding more for them to do.

Parenting is a higher calling than being a cruise ship activities director!

Perhaps more important — and this comes as a surprise to many parents — boredom can actually be beneficial; it can stimulate kids to hear the soft murmurings of their inner voice, the one that makes them write an unusual story or draw that unique picture.

That creativity is critical. America’s economic success is based on people who bucked conventional wisdom, followed their inner passions, tinkered, and created, people like Alexander Graham Bell, David Packard, Matt Groening and college dropouts Michael Dell and Bill Gates.

We’re lucky that Alexander Graham Bell was not as over-scheduled as our kids. If he had been, we might still be using carrier pigeons to communicate!

Good schools often fail to recognize truly creative kids. One young man desperately wanted to make films. He applied to UCLA’s prestigious film program: Rejected!

So he went to Long Beach State.

Later he applied to USC’s film program. Rejected again!

But he was tenacious. His name: Steven Spielberg.

Heart disease is the #1 killer of women, and yet another condition is so prevalent that certain stores should be labeled “dangerous to your health.”

That plague is shopping fever.

Resistant to economic strain, relationship turbulence, and toxic workplace politics, it’s easy to catch in late August or early September.

A diagnosis becomes apparent via your credit card statement weeks after symptoms first appear. At this time you may seem to have developed selective amnesia.

“I didn’t buy this did I?”

There is no cure. As a beauty and fashion editor, I see collections months before they arrive in stores, so by the time they do, I’m nearly over it (having mentally worn and rejected nearly every trend). Shoes and bags are irresistible since they genuinely give last year’s wardrobe and jeans a new look with the least amount of effort, but a few trendy clothing items can also provide a fast update.

For now, the shopping list is short, sane, and in the safe black hue of 90 % of my closet (I can’t splurge until I’m truly in love with an item) but stay tuned:

A High Heel Black Bootie

I thought I’d never want these again, but ankle-cropped booties do look great with opaque tights and tailored skirts, dresses, or stretch pants like the ones below. Open-toe versions are the hotties in this category. Manolo Blahnik’s black patent booties are fabulous at $785 but I ended up with a KORS Michael Kors croc-embossed pair for $380. I visualize them as lasting one season — not a major commitment.

Black Stirrup Pants

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the fourth article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

Contemporary parents know that self-esteem is intimately tied to happiness. Yet focusing on activities, rather than on the child as an individual, often makes him or her feel, “I must not be very good at all or I wouldn’t need constant self-improvement.”

Furthermore, the child becomes convinced that Mom values them for what they can accomplish and achieve, not for who they are. So much for unconditional love!

Parental scrutiny and over-scheduling can also create a self-fulfilling prophecy: the child resents the parents’ lack of faith in him or her and, to get even, may live down to that expectation!

How does the stress manifest itself? Kids complain of stomachaches, headaches, and exhaustion. I think that the pressure to accomplish — rather than to develop who you are and to discover what you yourself value — is why so many teenagers have these symptoms.

Some kids become rebellious, taking alcohol as a way to relieve emotional distress, or illicit substances to escape into drug-induced daydreams. Luthar and Becker (2002) found that teen-age drug use was likely associated with an “overemphasis on achievement.”

As one depressed, substance-abusing patient told me, “In my family it is Harvard, Yale or nothing and I just can’t measure up.”

Another wondered why he couldn’t just play sports to have fun.

According to news reports this week, Britney Spears is planning to contest some of her divorce attorney’s legal fees, arguing that they are too high.

Whether you’re Britney Spears or Brittany Smith, divorce can be a costly venture – and being overcharged by a divorce attorney can be a real issue.

According to FWW’s Diana Mercer, a California attorney who specializes in mediation and is the author of “Your Divorce Advisor,” when clients feel they’ve been overcharged, the first step is to ask for an itemized billing and compare it against your own notes of phone calls, court dates, letters, and work you know the lawyer did.

“Your best action is to do this all along during the case,” she says. “Most attorneys bill you each month (and if they don’t, ask them to) so review your bill carefully each month and bring it to the attorney’s attention if you think you’re not getting good value for your money.”

Attorney Gregg Herman, the family chair of the American Bar Association, says that the client should also reflect on the conversations they have had with the lawyer.

“Good professional lawyers always assess the cost/benefit ratio to a client in recommending a particular course of action,” he says. “Ask to meet with your lawyer to discuss your concerns. Perhaps the lawyer can explain the bill to your satisfaction — or make an adjustment so that you are both comfortable with it.”

If talking with the attorney doesn’t give you the result you’d hoped for, you can ask the local bar association about its fee dispute mediation program.

The opening lines of Leslie Lehr’s novel “Wife Goes On” will resonate with many women.

“The truth is, I was afraid to be alone” she writes, tapping into most women’s secret fear. “Then I heard my daughter swear she’d never get married and I realized sticking it out wouldn’t win me Mother of the Year.

“If I wanted my kids to be happy, I would have to show them how. So I tore off those golden shackles — and found out I wasn’t alone. … Everywhere, there are members who have paid their dues, know the secret handshake and are reaping the benefits of real friendship. Welcome to Club Divorce.”

That’s Diane, an MBA hotshot turned PTA Superman, speaking. In Lehr’s frothy romp, the bond of friendship between Diane and three other women creates opportunities for hankies for the tears, a hankering for new careers, and hanky-panky in dating.

Diane’s husband gambled away their assets, proving that even if your hubby is in the insurance business, there is no assurance that marriages last forever. She uses her business moxie to start Pure Romance, a company selling sex toys based on the Tupperware models of your mom’s generation.

Then there is Lana, a luscious former actress who works in a furniture store, and isn’t going to sit around and feel sorry for herself.

Annette is the hard-edged divorce lawyer who has to pay alimony to her ex-husband, who left her for a man and got custody of their daughter. She wants her child back, on her terms.

Finally there is the homecoming queen, Bonnie, who married the football star and finds that her life — saddled with two kids and Buck, a beer-swilling husband — is no fairytale.

Lehr’s characters experience all the dramas and traumas of divorce — dealing with lawyers, pissed-off kids, budgets shrunken to the size of a brownie, relocation, rejection, and, most importantly, rejuvenation.

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the third article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

Parents wear their frazzled exhaustion as merit badges.

We see this in everyday life. We ask a friend about her kids’ activities and despite being frazzled looking, she proudly answers, “Monday-soccer and math tutoring, Tuesday, soccer then piano, Wednesday religious school, Thursday – long soccer practice, but Friday is free, which leaves the weekend for soccer games both days because Liz was so good she was selected to be on the travel team.”

You feel exhausted just listening to this list. Imagine how poor Liz feels! And a divorced mom does all this with less money while trying to balance the details two parents used to handle.

Other than in video games, adults have colonized what traditionally was children’s after-school world. Kids want to play sports, but they don’t necessarily want to be judged on how they play.

As Fred Engh — head of the National Alliance for Youth Sports — points out, 78 percent of young children would rather play for a losing team than warm the bench for one that wins.

Kids have fun playing, can develop an ease with their bodies, learn about teamwork and sportsmanship, enhance their self esteem if they are good athletes, and find a physical activity that gives them pleasure and a sense of physical well-being for the rest of their lives.

The American Academy of Pediatrics warned parents about the dangers of young kids competing in demanding, incredibly competitive sports. They strongly advised that children play multiple sports and specialize in one, if they must, only after puberty.

If you plan to represent yourself in the divorce, or go Pro Se, you will have to be organized, know your state laws, get acquainted with your court clerk, and know your state’s rules of behavior for attorneys and judges.

Divorce is an emotional and legal event. If you have an attorney representing you, you are free to focus on the emotional aspect of your divorce. If you are representing yourself, it’s up to you to deal with both the emotional and legal aspects. To be successful as a Pro Se litigant you need to put your emotions on the back burner.

The best way to stay focused and protect your legal rights is organization and preparation.

Organization:

Knowledge will be your best friend; organization will be your second-best friend. The Pro Se litigant will accumulate a mountain of paperwork through legal research and court filings. Being organized will help you stay focused and will save time and energy.

• Purchase file folders and a filing cabinet to be used before, during, and after the divorce process.

• When doing research on state divorce laws and civil procedure, print out what you find and file it away in it’s own folder. It is reference material and you want it handy.

• Have a separate file for every document you file with the courts. In that file keep the original and a copy that is stamped by the court clerk with the court stamp and dates the document was filed.

• Keep a written log of everyone you speak with, the date you speak with them and the issue discussed. It will be a quick reference that will keep you from having to spend valuable time looking back through files.

Preparation: