Even after all these years, it surprises me how powerless one can feel as a stepparent and how important it is to manage expectations. This crystallizes often over the holidays when I ask my stepchildren to help me with the holiday card and have to negotiate their schedules as though I'm a United Nations diplomat.

Unlike my 10-year-old son, with whom I can say, "Please be at this place at this time" — and when he doesn't, I can yell, "Get your butt down here now" — every request to my step daughters must be managed carefully.

At the same time, if you ask step kids how they feel after their parents’ divorce, they will say they feel powerless, with no say in anything, that they have to juggle between two families while negotiating roles, rules, and status in both households.

Recently I emailed my stepdaughter telling her that step parenting is a lot like gardening a bed of roses. Instead of getting to dig deep and attach myself to the root stock, I am allowed only to skim the surface and never feel as though I've penetrated top soil. If I grab the flower the wrong way, it can be prickly. But it is still beautiful and worth nurturing.

She emailed me this response: "Just like the rose, stepchildren cannot help but have thorns, because it is in their nature to protect their roots."

I loved this exchange because it is honest — and helpful. The holidays are an emotionally charged time for any family — but even more so for stepfamilies. After years of experience, and as a certified stepfamily coach, I have learned that the secret to having a good time during the holidays is recognizing that each person should have a say in some part of the event, which makes it more a democracy than a dictatorship. The other part is following the adage that no act of love, however small, is wasted.

This Thanksgiving, how about we Americans show gratitude for the Native Americans who originally presided over our country. November is National American Indian and Alaska Native Heritage Month, so this may be the time to make a pilgrimage to art museums showcasing Indian work.

John Grimes, former director of the Institute of American Indian Arts, one of the finest institutions in the US, sought to infuse the art world with a new vocabulary “based on global experience rather than Western ideals and history.”

The Smithsonian opened a new building on the Mall in Washington in 2004 to house the National Museum of the American Indian. In its first year in that location, the museum, which has branches in Manhattan and Maryland, was visited by more than three million people. Its collection of 800,000 artworks and artifacts from the Americas is an astonishing presentation of Native cultures.

As W. Richard West Jr., director of the museum and a man of Cheyenne and Arapaho lineage, said, “We are an institution of living cultures, not a museum of dying cultures.”

Here are his choices for the five museums with the best Native collections in the U.S.

The Heard Museum
Phoenix, Arizona

This center for contemporary Native American fine art boasts more than 35,000 pieces. Exhibits at the Heard have included the Celebration of Basket Weaving and Native Food Festivals, where top chefs demonstrate contemporary and traditional recipes. The online museum store offers Indian rugs, art, pottery, etc.

National Museum of the American Indian
Washington D.C.

‘Tis the time to think about entertaining. As a divorced woman, inviting people over to your house expands your social circle — but not necessarily your waistline — and has the added bonus of being cheaper than going out. If friends invite you out to dinner, you have to reciprocate, and entertaining from your home is often 1/5 the cost of a restaurant.

Plus, you want to create happy memories in your home for your children, and just because the Ex isn’t there doesn’t mean you can’t create — and maintain — cherished traditions.

Having been an editor in chief of several magazines, I have learned quite a few tricks for entertaining on a budget. Here are some that may appeal to you.

1. Lights in winter. People may remember the ambiance more than the food. You can make Santa Fe candles (and the kids can help) to line the sidewalk: a small brown paper bag, some sand for the bottom, and a candle set inside. Roll down the top of the bag, light the candles and there you have an inexpensive and charming way of decorating outdoors. As for inside, try paper globes hung from an archway, lighted with fairy lights, or invest in some nice fat candles. Buy them in bulk online (a four-inch-tall pillar is as little as $2.99 at www.candles.com) or try Pier One or Ikea. Use the candles all over the house. Et voila! It’s romantic, cheery, and will make the house beautiful. But avoid scented candles, which could be suffocating.

2. Decorate with fruit. Fill a bowl with polished apples. I have also used one large red bowl and two smaller ones filled with green apples as a holiday centerpiece. Apples can hold place cards for a sit down dinner. And then, after the party, the apples can become apple crisps or apple pies. Oranges studded with cloves are another holiday classic.

We’re all about pilgrimages – going to places that are fun and informative. Well, for this week’s destinations, we’re taking that term literally by sharing places that have people dressed up as Pilgrims and Early Americans to explain the meaning of Thanksgiving. We also are acknowledging that American Indians may not be as thankful for this holiday and should be honored for their contributions. In compiling this list, we are most thankful to suggestions from Chris Epting, one of the nation’s most inventive pop-culture archivists and explorers.

But before we share these adventures, just a little background on Thanksgiving that could be used for the car ride. And also to explain some places on this list that don’t automatically come to mind for Thanksgiving.

Sure, we celebrate the courage and perseverance of the Pilgrims, who had their first Thanksgiving in the fall of 1621, after half of the settlers died of starvation, and their second in July of 1623, after a rain saved their crops. But other places, like Jamestown and the Berkley Plantation, in Virginia, and St. Augustine, Florida, also claim early Thanksgiving customs.

Explorers definitely gave thanks when they hit the New World after enduring weeks on leaky boats eating hard biscuits and suffering through Atlantic storms. Columbus and his men gave thanks when they landed. Pedro Menendez de Aviles had a priest give an entire mass of Thanksgiving on September 8, 1565, when he claimed St. Augustine, Florida, for Spain.

However, the reason Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock get so much credit is that it was one of the rare colonies that included women right from the first. And leave it to women to make sure things happen.

The emotion most prevalent during my separation and divorce was anxiety. I remember spending the better part of a year feeling I was shaking in my boots.

My ex and I separated in January and the divorce was final in September. By the time that first holiday season rolled around, post divorce, the anxiety had lessened but I wasn’t looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Especially as a divorced parent dealing with a less-than-civil ex-husband.

I could feel the knot of anxiety tightening and knew I had to come up with ways to reduce it during that first holiday season as a divorced woman and mother. Just as I had begun to learn how to deal with my post-divorce emotions, I found myself feeling overwhelmed again.

Below are four tips for reducing divorce anxiety during the holidays:

Identify Fears and Deal With Them

Presidents are to history what pop stars are to music. They define their times. After this election, George W. Bush will be focusing on his legacy through his presidential library, which will be erected in Texas as a testament to his serenely bullheaded policies. Like many presidential libraries before his, it will be a monument reflecting his passions, positions and private letters and mementos. Bill Clinton's eight-year prosperity reign and his peccadilloes embodied the 1990's; both are chronicled at his library in Little Rock.

Many have visited Thomas Jefferson's fabled home, Monticello, marveling at how his spirit still inhabits its Palladian beauty. Since the current political campaign has captivated the nation and world, we asked award-winning historian and writer David Brinkley to choose his five favorite presidential sites. Through them it is possible to examine and enjoy the strength and endurance of our democracy through the men - so far - who have led this great nation.

Harry S Truman House
Independence, Missouri

Famously remembered as the president who said, "The buck stops here," the wee haberdasher lived most of his adult life in Independence. In this modest, Victorian-styled house, his hat and coat still hang on the foyer hook and the chair in his study is surrounded by well-thumbed history books and biographies. The kitchen, meanwhile, still has matches resting on the gas stove. The Truman House, down the block from the Truman Museum and Library, is like a time capsule of small-town America during the Cold War. Truman rose from humble roots and was the kind of leader, notes historian David McCullough, our forefathers envisions as presidential timber. The Harry S Truman National Historic Site, admission $4; information, 816 254-9929.

FDR: The Little White House
Warm Springs, Georgia

Girls just want to have fun. And what better way than go to a weekend festival that is either free or less money than a Cosmo or CVS lipstick. Full of interesting people and passions, these festivals can be bizarre, silly, humorous or an adventure. They are certainly more fun that watching “Seinfeld” reruns at home. Grab a girlfriend or go solo. Plus, hellooo, unless you go out, you don’t meet anyone. With your good time on our minds, we asked author Chris Epting, who has spent a lifetime documenting this information, to share the best festivals for November and early December.

1. The Riverhawk Music Festival
Brooksville, Florida
November 6-9

Featuring an eclectic blend of live music, The Riverhawk Music Festival is the perfect destination for music lovers on a budget. No hotel is required, as most folks “rough it” in tents or RV’s, where a communal atmosphere and single events ensure you’ll have someone to dance with. In between performances there’s plenty to enjoy, from food vendors and craft booths to a canine costume parade for pet owners.

2. Maine Literary Festival
Camden, Maine
November 7-9

Torn between curling up with a good book and taking in the great outdoors? Then tear up to Maine, where you can combine both at the Maine Literary Festival. This year’s theme is “For This Earth: Vision in Literature,” where attendees can “focus on the roles of writing, poetry, nature and science in shaping how we live our lives and treat this earth.” Yes, crunchy to the core. In addition to a workshop for wannabe authors, there are readings, books signings, literary discussions, and panels with noted authors, poets, and scientists.

3. The Tamale Festival
Indio, California
December 6-7

Fido may love to hit the road with his master, but as my pet-loving friend Fern Siegel says, not every hotel is happy to see his wagging tail scuttle through the front door.

To help pet owners, Dawn and Robert Habgood, who have covered the pet travel field for 20 years, penned Pets on the Go, a 1,000-page guide to more than 18,000 pet friendly hotels in the U.S. They also run www.petsontogo.com.

Here are their 9 most accomodating hotels in the country. But beware that many are of these hotels are pedigreed, and if you're looking for inexpensive, you may be barking up the wrong tree. However, the amenities just may be worth it.

Loews Giorgio Hotel
Denver, Colorado

From the vet-developed menus to the pet concierge, Loews has long been the national brand for pet-lovers. Is your dog a vegetarian? Not a problem. Need a pet-sitter? They've got you covered.

W Seattle Hotel
Seattle, Washington

All chic pets proudly wear their W Hotels pet tag, sleep on a custom W pet bed and shop for leashes and munchies in Whatever/Whenever. And after a day of leisure, the handsome hotel associates are happy to take your pet for a stroll.

Inn by the Sea
Cape Elizabeth, Maine

Flip through the dog family album of canine photos taken upon check-in, and you'll see that dogs are everyone's favorite guest. A staff of animal lovers makes a stay with your pet stress-free. Try a Bow Wow Burger on the room service menu.

Woof Cottages
Nantucket, Mass.

The name is a dead giveaway, but the secret is in the toys at Woof Cottages. From a basket of treats to Nantucket bandanas, it's all play and no work for dogs and owners alike.

The Ritz-Carlton
New York, N.Y.

Party, Fiesta. Have Fun. See the World. But how can you choose among all the fabulous experiences that await you? Natch, we want to help. After you’ve been shaken up by divorce, we want you to be shaken up by extraordinary life experiences, so we’ve compiled a list of our favorites. We hope these will remind you how life offers a feast of visual delights, dazzling locales and darn good fun. To do so we’ve consulted the gurus behind the most-watched travel show in the world, Globe Trekker, and the book Globe Trekker's World: A Month-By-Month Guide to What's on in the World… and When. So grab your date book and get ready to hit the road.

The Pushkar Camel Fair
Rajasthan, India
November 5 through 13, 2008

The camels are just part of the fun in November in this peaceful lakeside town near Jaipur. According to legend, the Hindu gods visit Pushkar five days a year to bless devout Hindus. Hordes of people travel to the town for these sacred days that coincide with the renowned Camel Fair. The festivities begin on November 5 with traditional camel racing, followed a camel beauty contest, with beasts in elaborate costumes led on parade by a nose ring, and of course camel trading. Locals offer their camels for rides over the nearby dunes. The emphasis switches on November 10, when it becomes more religious. Visit either of the nearby hilltop temples, which are devoted to Lord Brahma, the Hindu God of creation. Pushkar's sister city of Ajmer is three hours by train from Jaipur and seven hours by train from Delhi; at Ajmer, you will transfer to a bus or taxi for the seven mile trip over the mountain to Pushkar. Train timetables from Delhi are available here.

Day of the Dead
Pátzcuaro, Mexico
November 1 and 2

When I was in my early thirties, newly divorced and dating, well-intentioned friends insisted on scheduling our girly get-togethers near Bloomingdales for a “bite of shopping.” When I was newly divorced (again!) in my mid-forties we’d meet for lunch in Barneys.

The obvious plan in both decades was to get me out of my beloved basic black, and into “something with a little more sex appeal — maybe red or pink, maybe a neckline lower than your collarbone” as my friend Julie put it.

Truth is, I loved the sophistication and attitude of wearing black — it has that whole French fashion thing going for it. Black turtlenecks, slim black trousers, and nearly black nail polish made me feel sophisticated and cool… the way colors never did.

Well here’s a news flash: Somewhere around 50 — right before I met my husband Robert — I began to prefer beige. Beige everything, from pencil skirts to tailored coats to shimmery beige pedicures. My girlfriends worried I was going through a peri-menopause stage of “the blahs.” After all, Lauren Hutton herself once told me in an interview that “wearing beige after 50 makes you invisible.”

I see it differently now and so do designers like Versace, Michael Kors, Valentino, Calvin Klein and Armani, who understand “nude” is the sexiest color alive. Beige, in all its variations from champagne to camel, is glamorous and classy, no matter what color your skintone. Worn head to toe, monochromatic, tone-on-tone, it says luxurious.

So if you’re bored with black, out there looking, or just want to stand out in the crowd — head straight for these beige-y beauties: