divorce

How to Stay Positive After Divorce

Debbie Nigro — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 23:08:34 -0500

It's easy to turn to the darks side after divorce. You know: holding on to anger and resentment, feeling sorry for yourself, and bashing men. What's the solution? Stop! Well, okay, it's not that easy. But with these tips form self-empowerment guru Daylee Deanna Schwartz, you'll be well on your way to positive thinking and finding the joy in being single again.

The D-Word: Amicable Divorce

The D Word — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:02:16 -0500

Not every divorce is nasty, contentious, and filled with bitterness. But does that make it any easier? In this episode, Sarah shares her experiences — both good and bad — of going through a “friendly divorce.”

Click the following to see all of the D-Word episodes

Episode 36: Gratitude Journal Part Deux

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 23:02:48 -0500

It was just about one year ago that I wrote my first gratitude journal. I must admit, it was not easy to feel grateful about a whore-mongering husband or a best friend who decided to set her beady, near-sighted eyes on my philandering spouse. But I remember thinking even at the time that it was important for me to take the high road. (Plus I had recently read in People that stress ages you, which was so not an acceptable option.) In any event, I remember sitting at my dining room table (which seemed so much larger once I kicked Jeffrey out) and trying to say the phrase, “Thank-you.” I kind of stuttered over the syllables, like suddenly English was a foreign language, and I remember my tongue felt like cotton in my mouth. (That might also have been the lobster I consumed in celebration of my newfound freedom. It seems that liberation gives me hives.)

However, even in my drunken stupor (of course, there was Chardonnay involved) I recognized my need to move beyond the petty stages of anger and frustration (I am at times, highly intuitive) and to embrace the new life that I knew was about to be mine. That said, there are many things that I am thankful for this year. So, in honor of Thanksgiving and new beginnings and cheating ex-husbands who give us all a new lease on life without even knowing it, I am going to share a few. If you would like to share back, please feel free. I am feeling the love this year.

So again, in no particular order (if you were here last time, you know the drill) here goes:

Following Madonna’s example, what do you think a mother should have the right to control when her kids are with their father?

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:04:34 -0500

* What type of water they drink (tap vs. bottled) * Their diet (vegetarian, organic, etc) * How much TV they watch * What kind of clothing they wear * None of the above -- he's just as much a parent * Whatever she feels is best for her kids

Under what circumstances is it advisable to "stay together for the kids"?

Marshall — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:24:32 -0500

* If you simply can’t afford to raise them alone * If they’re almost about to go off to college * If they’re struggling with other emotional issues * Never. A broken marriage is more traumatic than divorce

Let's be honest: In an act of "momentary insanity," which of these "might" you have done to your ex out of anger or revenge?

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 10:18:36 -0500

* “Accidentally” thrown out something important to him * “Allegedly” vandalized, broke or defaced something he loved * I did something/someone to make him jealous * Told lies/truth about his sexual prowess * Nothing -- I believe in karma

Episode 35: Wok the Vote

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:34:39 -0400

In general, I like to talk about sex way more than I like to talk about politics. I always feel more satisfied after a good girl gab that has to do with our sex lives (or lack thereof) than one of those boring meetings about who is running for city council. So when Annabelle said she was getting a bunch of us together for Chinese I got very excited. First of all, we all find Chinese kind of an aphrodisiac. (Annabelle says it’s the Five Spice Powder but my vote goes to the MSG.) Second, the delivery guy from California Wok has killer abs and wears skintight T-shirts that say things like, “Soy Boy” and “Stir Fry Guy.” Last but not least, I love Chinese food. I love the flavors, I love the way it fills me up fast and I love the way an hour or so later it leaves you wanting more. The way I see it, Chinese food is like sex, only better because you can get it any time you want. (Actually, if you are Jeffrey you can pick up the phone and call for sex and have it delivered just like Chinese food. But you sure can’t trust the egg rolls, if you know what I mean.)

Which presidential candidate do you feel will best address the concerns and issues that affect divorced women the most?

Marshall — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 00:04:38 -0400

* John McCain * Barack Obama * Neither One

Episode 34: Condition of Woman I

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:54:18 -0400

I’ve never been that big on anniversaries. Well, let me put it another way. Jeffrey was never that big on anniversaries and so I guess I picked that little bad habit up from him. He said he didn’t want us to be like everybody else. That holidays of any kind were a Hallmark construct and that he sure as hell wasn’t buying in. He refused to get me flowers on Valentine’s day and when my birthday rolled around, if I wasn’t buying myself a piece of bling you could be damn sure no one else was either. As far as our wedding anniversary — well, it goes without saying.

So — imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning and realized that it was more or less one year ago that I found the “Bat Phone.” You remember don’t you? Innocent me, opening Jeffrey’s sock drawer, only to find the red iPhone with the Concubine’s number programmed in? (Lesson number one. Don’t get in the habit of putting away your husband’s clean socks and underwear. It can only lead to trouble.) Anyhoo, this morning I realized that through no fault of my own I was celebrating an anniversary. In fact, it was almost one year ago today that I started down the slippery slope to singledom. In honor of this momentous occasion, I stopped at Starbucks for a double soy milk no foam, grande latte, programmed my divorce attorney into my speed dial and drove Mr. Handsome up to school.

Episode 33: Memopause

Marshall — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:52:12 -0400

I am not one to hold a grudge. Okay, I am one to hold a grudge (see Jeffrey, see Jeffrey fucks Super Fan in my very own living room) but in honor of the Jewish Holidays, I had made a plan to get over that. Not to get over the Super Fan fucking, necessarily, but the holding a grudge part. Holding a grudge is not good for the mind or the body or the spirit (I read this somewhere, or perhaps I heard it on Oprah) but with that in mind I set out to embrace the New Year.

Now, as I may have mentioned, I am half Jewish. The Jewish half is actually my father, which technically doesn’t make me Jewish I suppose, but I was raised a nominal Jew (going to temple twice a year, eating borscht) and that was enough for me to pass it on to my children. Jeffrey is Jewish too, and despite my misgivings we joined one of those temples that have too many agents and managers and lawyers who go there to do business (kind of like choosing the right pre-school, choosing the right temple in Los Angeles is serious work) and we would go there pretty much never except for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I’m not saying I’m proud of how we did things, but I’m not un-proud of it either, it’s just the way it was.