Kids and Family

What a Difference a Day Makes

Sondra Simmons — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:24:23 -0500

A year ago I'd just ejected my alcoholic husband from our home. That was an achievement, to be sure, but nearly all of his stuff remained. I was exhausted and a long way from free.

I'd been invited to join my extended family for Thanksgiving at my oldest brother's place. But not even the prospect of laughter and one of my sister-in-law's fabulous holiday feasts was enough to convince me to drive 11 hours and submit to the queries about Edgar and me and our marriage, however loving.

So I ate turkey with a friend at a diner and promised myself a normal Thanksgiving this year.

Well, what is that, exactly? When I was growing up, it meant being part of a passel of relatives and friends gathered around my mother's groaning board. When I was grown, it meant heaping my own table with too much food and collecting as many members of my tribe who needed a holiday meal as I could find. After I married, it meant driving a couple of hours to take Ed's mother out to eat — and that occasionally meant eating a truly depressing turkey dinner.

Now? My hostess this year, my other brother's girlfriend, took me on a tour of her lovely home and I became quite wistful, missing the house I love and am letting go. I envied her preparations with food and drink, and changing her clothes at the last minute, even her having to get up from the meal to make the forgotten gravy.

But I also basked in the clever conversation, the relaxation and warmth, the complete absence of the enmity and frustration I'd grown accustomed to in the last years of my marriage.

And I really was grateful: that's what Thanksgiving is about.

Following Madonna’s example, what do you think a mother should have the right to control when her kids are with their father?

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 20:04:34 -0500

* What type of water they drink (tap vs. bottled) * Their diet (vegetarian, organic, etc) * How much TV they watch * What kind of clothing they wear * None of the above -- he's just as much a parent * Whatever she feels is best for her kids

Under what circumstances is it advisable to "stay together for the kids"?

Marshall — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:24:32 -0500

* If you simply can’t afford to raise them alone * If they’re almost about to go off to college * If they’re struggling with other emotional issues * Never. A broken marriage is more traumatic than divorce

When your Ex has the kids, what do you do with your time?

Marshall — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 09:24:34 -0400

* Sit dumbfounded trying to figure out what to do * Eat bad food. Drink. Catch up on R-rated movies * Finally do some work and polish my jobs skills so I can shine * Have wild overnights with my boyfriend...or some girlfriends * Worry I'm a terrible mom because I enjoy the peace and quiet

What issue presented the biggest challenge when trying to blend your families?

Mon, 26 May 2008 10:58:48 -0400

* Discipline * Money and finance * Confusion over people's roles * Emotions * Geography * I'm not trying to blend

Do you have a good relationship with your child's step- and half-sibling(s)?

Fri, 16 May 2008 10:24:48 -0400

* Yes, I adore them. * Yes... but I can't stand them! * I don't want a relationship with them. * I'm not allowed to develop one

When did you meet the woman who became your kid's new Step-Mom?

Fri, 09 May 2008 10:24:48 -0400

* Before the Wedding * After the Wedding * I'm planning to...someday... * Why? Has Hell frozen over?

How do you celebrate family milestones?

Fri, 02 May 2008 09:24:42 -0400

* As a large, happily-blended family * Together like oil and water * My Ex and I plan two separate but equal functions * My Ex and I compete to out-do each other

Do you encourage your children to acknowledge their step-mother on Mother's Day?

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 09:42:28 -0400

* We buy a card/gift together * I let my child/children decide * I buy it for my child/children * My uterus, my day!

No Traditional Turkey Day Here: Family Drama Abounds

Maya Halpen — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:42:53 -0500

All that has transpired among my family this holiday takes longer to digest than even the biggest turkey holiday.

My mother and step-father (still getting used to calling this stranger any sort of father) swept through town town in a fit of self-importance, leaving behing gifts from their recent Mexican holiday.

The dishes were barely dry and it was time for a seven-hour drive to upstate NY where my sister and I removed my father's car from his possession for his own safety (dementia has robbed him of his driving skills). We lied and said we accidentally crashed it but actually put it into storage.

Holidays...what fun. But who had my back through all the bickering and tears? Rob. Gotta hand it to that guy. He's a good one to have aroun.